When It Feels Good, But Isn’t Good for You

When It Feels Good, But Isn’t Good for You

Last year’s dating record?

Let’s just say I wasn’t exactly batting a winning average.

The last few months, though, have hit differently. Not because I suddenly forgot how to date, flirt, or attract attention, but because I have been reckoning with something deeper: how much peace I have been robbed of in the past, and how much disrespect I tolerated while calling it love, connection, or “just how relationships are.”

That kind of reckoning changes you.

I have been more timid lately in the dating space, which is unfamiliar territory for me. In the past, I did not attach easily. Things moved fast. When you are attractive, charming, and living a certain kind of life, loneliness does not linger long. There is always someone new to engage with. Someone curious. Someone impressed.

But times have changed.

I am no longer the flashy version of myself. The one who courted women, created fantasies, and left impressions so strong they were unforgettable, even if they later wanted to forget me. Funny how that works.

Now, I am quieter. More discerning. Less interested in performance and more invested in peace.

And then, for a brief second, I thought I might actually like someone.

Just enough to open my heart a crack. Just enough to accept the unspoken truth that where there is liking, there is also the possibility of disappointment.

And wow. Was I disappointed.

There is nothing quite like the brutal taste of reality when the fantasy you built in your head collapses. I really thought we had so much in common. The kind of overlap that feels rare. Shared struggles. Mirrored experiences. Pieces of life you do not even have to explain because the other person already knows.

That kind of familiarity can be intoxicating.

But healing teaches you something important. Similarity does not equal safety.

When you have done enough inner work, you start to recognize patterns. Not just in others, but in how and where they are going to show up. Conflict, or even the arrival of emotion around it, has a way of revealing people quickly. It strips the charm, the projection, the potential, and leaves you with who they actually are.

Once I caught that glimpse, I had a decision to make.

I chose myself.

I closed back up. I put the mic away. I took that small, sharp piece of disappointment and dumped it out instead of letting it settle in my body like I used to. For the first time, I did not hesitate. Not for a second.

Because I like my wholeness more than I like the idea of someone.

I like my peace more than chemistry.

I like clarity more than comfort.

I like myself too much to engage with someone who, from the very beginning, was not truly whole.

That is the lesson I am grateful for now. Sometimes what feels good is not good for you. Sometimes what looks good is not what it seems.

And recognizing that early, before attachment, before compromise, before self betrayal, is not a loss. It is a win.

Disappointment is uncomfortable, yes. But it is far better than wasted time. And I am done wasting that.