The Two Worst Films of 1980 as Determined by the Razzies

The Two Worst Films of 1980 as Determined by the Razzies

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XANADU

Before watching this, I knew it won the Worst Picture Razzie and has been made fun of quite a bit. At the same time, it stars Olivia Newton-John and Gene Kelly and integrates dance with the heyday of roller skating so how bad could it be?

It turns out, it’s got a lot of charm despite special effects that seem horribly outdated and an awkward musical structure.

The story stars Olivia Newton-John as a roller-skating supernatural being of sorts and Michael Beck as a painter, Sonny, with dreams of being bigger. I’ve been seeing complaints that he ruins the movie, but there’s a long list of classic romances with male leads who are more stoic than their leading ladies: Is anyone going to claim that Richard Beymer is more memorable than Natalie Wood in West Side Story or Henry Fonda was doing the heavy lifting over Barbara Stanwyck in The Lady Eve? At least Michael Beck has a personality; albeit a pretty stereotypical rebellious pretty boy one.

Then there’s Gene Kelly as clarinetist Danny McGuire who drops everything to suddenly become Sunny’s best friend/mentor/guardian angel because Sonny must have been the first person in history to give him a compliment as he passes by.

So Sonny — the painter with dreams of making his own art through the freelance life — and clarinetist Danny team up to open up a music club, but it’s pretty immediately a roller rink when it opens because — -well, no it doesn’t make any sense, but it’s 1980 so this is going to be a roller skating movie, damnit!

It also helps enforce the roller skating movie motif that Olivia Newton-John’s character is always seen going around in roller skates.

As a time-capsule of the rolling rink era of the 1980s and disco, I’m here for it.

What I’m less forgiving of, however, is the lackadaisical structure of the musical element here. Some musical numbers have no people dancing; some involve way too many people dancing with no synchronization between them; and almost zero of the numbers have Gene Kelly dancing. I can’t decide which is the biggest cardinal sin of making a musical.

I can appreciate the fact that this isn’t a classic Gene Kelly musical and the musical style has been updated for the funkadelic era. There’s even a great number in which a big band and funk band play on two different sets of risers that merge as the musicians merge movement and style. The final roller skating number has an innovative camera lens as the POV is constantly on the front dancer.

As for the special effects, this film was released at the same year as Empire Strikes Back so it doesn’t surprise me if people compared it negatively. It’s also odd to think that there isn’t too much difference between this film in terms of style and plot in terms of the special effects when compared to the 1985 Ron Howard film Cocoon and that was a hit that was nominated for technical Oscars. That was also a film that didn’t have Olivia Newton-John. In Cocoon, an extraterrestrial played by Tahnee Welsch shared the weird alien equivalent of pool sex scene with a sea captain (Steve Guttenburg). I’d vote for Olivia Newton-John’s love story here anytime.

CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC

Unlike Xanadu which had the fortune of being remembered, Can’t Stop the Music is pretty much forgotten today, and for good reason: It’s got the corniness but without any of the ambition.

What I assumed the plot had to offer was a behind-the-scenes look at the Village People with a time capsule 1980s flavor.

Instead, the film just meanders about without any noticeable plot for stretches. By the time a plot develops, it reaches a point of no return. The protagonists of the story are a wide-eyed dreamer played by Steve Guttenberg, and a sparkly love interest played by Valerie Premmie. I’d love to give her more of a description and she plays a strong character but, like Olivia Newton-John’s character, she doesn’t do much but encourage him in his dream.

But Valerie Premmie at least gets to play a character. The six members of the Village People are practically extras walking around in unusual get-ups. They contribute to the musical numbers and show off some good harmonies. Hopefully that was good enough to get them the desired publicity they needed. Additionally, it’s not unheard of for a performer to steal the show in a musical without being a character in the non-singing parts: The Nicholas Brothers in Sun Valley serenade, Leroy Brown in The Bandwagon, and Savion Glover in a satirical manner in Bamboozled.

Bruce Jenner (now Caitlyn Jenner) appears as a random lawyer who even more randomly gets mugged by an old woman on the street. It’s the kind of random touch that seems fitting for a movie of senselessness.