Finding Your “Tribe”

Last week, I had the chance to connect with my “Tribe”, a group of 8 MBA classmates that chose to come together and meet every quarter to share updates in our lives, problem solve, and learn from other other. I left the session feeling seen, energized, elevated, and above all, grateful.

In the past 6 years, we managed to come together at least a few times a year, from in-person meetings to now over Zoom, despite major changes in our lives and the world around us. We shared the highs and lows, the glorious and the ugly. We welcomed new borns, celebrated marriages, cheered for new ventures, and shared all moments of joy; we also mourned the losses of our loved ones, ached for heart breaks, and supported each other through the struggles at work and at home. We stuck together as a group and witnessed each other’s and our own growth. I know I can always count on my group to be my personal sounding board without filters. I didn’t know what this experience was until I started at BetterUp — it’s called group coaching.

Group coaching is a powerful and effective coaching technique for working with people to improve their health, wellbeing, personal strengths, self-efficacy, leadership qualities, and beyond (Armstrong et al., 2013; McDowall & Butterworth, 2014). In the past year, I had the chance to dig into the science and art of group coaching as the product lead for group coaching experiences at BetterUp. At the end, it all comes down to below points:

• Validation and social proof. It is comforting to know that you are not alone in facing your challenges and we all long to be seen and heard. This feels awfully simple but is very true. When we feel stuck, we may be overly fixated on our own problems and forget to look out. Our research at BetterUp shows that by simplying knowing that you are not alone was powerful enough to soothe the feeling of overwhelm.
• Peer learning and coaching. We learn from each other in ways that we cannot on our own. The group setting forced us to take on new perspectives, check our assumptions and limiting believies, and learn from other similar situations experienced by others in the group. For example, I learned from my group on how to reframe my mindset to stop comparing myself against others and challenge myself to define what success meant for me. I still reflect on those words often.
• Accoutability. We also keep each other accountable and check in on our goals. We never had a formal accountability system like an accountability buddy, but the expectation (and pressure) of the group has served as a forcing function for us to follow through on a promise we made, an action to take, or a conversation to have.
• Connection and belonging. Above all, the group experience brought all of us together and helped us develop a special bond that has only grown stronger. We got to know each other at a much deeper level and founded ourselves a community, with whom we can be our true selves and share all our fears, amitions, worries, love, pains, and a lot more.

So what do you need to start your own group coaching journey?

• Commitment. There is no shortcut especially in a group setting. It means that carving out 3–4 hours every few months and being fully present there during the time for your group. It also means that you’d have to plan these meetings out early and might have to reschedule your own plans to fit them in. If you cannot commit to showing up for the group most of the time, then this is not for you.
• Group formation. The experience entirely depends on the group so choose your peers carefully. There is much research that highlights the basics of creating psychological safety and cohesion of a group, such as shared identity, experieces, and lack of big power / seniority difference. We were lucky that we formed out of the same MBA class and I was already very close with some before joining the group. But most important of all — you need to like spending time with each other. After all, this is a group of people you want to build a deeper relationship with. For those who are thinking of starting a group on your own, start with a few like-minded individuals from work, school, your LinkedIn network, and go from there.
• Intentionality. Some of the best experiences I had required me being very intentional with my share to the group. Maybe I had a specific problem that I wanted to solve with the group or a struggle that I experienced at work. I prepared the update with my questions and sought out specific feedback from the group. You need to own your experience in the group and actively shape it to get the most out of it.

Looking back, joining the Tribe was one of the best decisions that I made post-MBA. There is so much power in groups and communities and we all need some dosage of it from time to time. It gets lonely out there but it shouldn’t have to be. Are you ready to and your “Tribe”?

Picture credit: Psychology Today