The Heavenly Hell — 34

Lilith started to turn grotesque from before they even reached Niflheim. So her change were inevitable. Then, the Gods exiled them to Niflheim, back then barely anyone dared to touch the crown due to the curse. She took it amidst knowing that it would add another layer to her curse. She struggled at the beginning, to live with those visions even when she was asleep. But she thrived for thousands of years until her first curse from Lilith took over her body.

It was nothing but 10 seconds of my life that felt like years. And my blessing that made me remember everything, adds another layer of burden that made my blessing a natural fuel to the fire of Hel’s curse. But what matters the most was not whether I could handle these visions, but I knew, what matters the most was that if I kept looking at wrong-doings, even sometimes way more evil than evil itself, would I be the same Anabel that I was proud of every time I saw my reflection? Would I be inspired by the evil that envelopes the world since the kindness would not appear in front of my eyes nor my eyelids? Or would I be get too used to the evil that would kill my empathy?

If someone asked who wanted to be a queen, I would never say yes. What would status mean? A queen is nothing but a title, but at times I believed if I were a queen I would be a better queen than Freya would ever be. I might be biased, but I could consider myself as a good person. Of course I knew I had flaws, I knew I am a pampered girl, but I knew what is right and wrong.

I had lots of inner monologue, but in the end as I saw the peaceful sleep of Lilith, I realized that what I feared the most was not her curse, but I was afraid I did not fit to be anyone’s queen. I just were not built to be one. I had always been a free spirit, even hiding under my blanket was a part of my freedom. I hardly want to be involved with people, not because I did not care, but I have always been shunned. Even until that day I still wondered if the same tragedy were to happen again to Garaam, would I still help her, or that was just a coincidence that I moved out from my bed. “You don’t need to answer now” he told me. “But one day, I would leave if you accepted it, I would bring Lilith away from the 9 realms, venturing the infinite sky that the creator called space, who knows if we could escape Eve’s curse or find a cure”

Yes, maybe it was a selfish request from Adam. But I knew I would not even consider it, I never wanted to be a queen.

“May I?” I asked Adam’s permission again. “Yes” it seemed that Adam was the one who allowed this to happen, because Garaam did not seem to see these vision when she was cleaning Lilith. I held Lilith’s hand again, and I saw things again, it was a mere few minutes since the last time I held her hands, and the scenery differed. I could not do anything to help the people. I also realized all I saw were humans, not other creatures. Seemed that the Queen of Hel would oversee the wrongdoings of the humans, and while she could not do anything, she would await them at Nastrond, or save them like Hakon was eventually saved by Lilith’s grace amidst her being asleep. And some of them who died at war will go to Valhalla with a great honor. “Not all of them are our believers” I realized that I could see all sins from people with different faiths, not only those who thrived to reach Valhalla. He seemed to be surprised that I could already talk to him amidst being imersed with the visuals. “Yes, you would see all humans, specifically humans when they sinned” I tried to focus my mind, now I could see Adam’s face again, but I still had lots of eyes, and I tried to focus at several things at a time. “Someone died, and arrived at Nastrond” I told him. “Yes, and at that point, the queen would decide whether he really should be there or not” “Yes, he deserved it”

And thus, the hardest part was bias. The queen would be the one to decide whether to save someone or not, and eventually I might be biased when deciding it.

“And someone will come, he was killed by the crowd for stealing bread for his children a few minutes ago. I could see his child crying looking at his father in blood” Adam looked at me. “I believe Lilith would save him” “So do I” and eventually his soul arrived at one part of Niflheim that day. That night the three of us discussed many things from the vision. I cried a lot, I was angered a lot, at times I did not know how to feel because multiple scenes with multiple emotions came at the same time. It was a very painful sight, but I did not let Lilith’s hand go. Even if I said no for being the queen, at least I would want to share her pain. Eventually morning came, and Garaam brought me tea. I sipped my tea while still holding Lilith’s arm.