CARticles: GMC Envoy XUV

Dumb and Dumber

There are two tried and true methods to making it in the car industry. The first is to use an ideology of quality. This is a philosophy that car companies like Mercedes-Benz and Toyota used for the longest time. Their cars, in the grand scheme of things, weren’t particularly revolutionary, but they were successful because they were built like they were made by God himself out of materials from only the rarest of exotic animals. The other method is the one used by companies like General Motors: quantity. Surely, if you just shove out as many different models as quickly as possible, one of them will stick and become a success, right? Worryingly though, aside from the Chevrolet Suburban, I can’t think of a single instance of this working out for GM in the long run. Don’t believe me?

The GMC Envoy was a fine enough car. It had good engines, was smooth to drive and practical enough, but it was also painfully dull. To solve this, GM offered an extended wheelbase version with 7 seats, but now it was dull AND ugly. I feel as though GM feared they were being labeled as playing it too safe around this time. So, in 2004, with 15 minutes left on shift, they looked at the Envoy, then at the clock, then the Envoy and someone went,

“Wait a minute, I’ve got it!”

The Envoy XUV is what happens when no one is around to tell you no. Aside from the new rear, it looked the same as the Envoy XL on which it was based, except the one reason for buying the XL: the two extra seats, was now gone. So, it’s a 7-seater with only 5 seats. Great. And that was just the start of the stupidity.

Open up the new and admittedly clever dual function tailgate and you’ll find the cargo bay is now completely plastic-lined and enclosed from the cabin. Why would they do this? It was for the party trick of course. For at the push of a button, the rear section of the roof lifts up and slides along the roof rack leaving the cargo area exposed, and now, you have the ability to transport tall items like a grandfather clock.

Where do I even begin?

Firstly, this wasn’t new. Studebaker had an estate car in the 1960s with a similar roof layout, but it was such a monumental flop that no one (not even General Motors) knew it ever existed, which says a lot. Second, the rear windows and rails were still fixed in place so the items you were transporting couldn’t be too wide. The bed itself was small, although like the Chevrolet Avalanche, you could remove the partition in the back and fold the rear seats down to extend it into the cabin at the expense of carrying people. Unlike the Avalanche however, you weren’t allowed to drive with the tailgate down.

I’m explaining all of this to really nail home the biggest problem with the XUV: limitation. Why can’t you remove the side windows? Why can’t you carry people and large cargo at the same time? Why can’t you drive with the tailgate down? Why can’t it have 7 seats? The big appeal of vehicles like this is their versatility, so why put all these restrictions on a car designed to haul cargo? And if you weren’t buying one to haul cargo, why were you buying one in the first place?

The XUV ended up selling so badly that it died in just 18 months. It tried to solve a problem that no one had by offering a solution that created more problems than it was solving. It goes against every single rule of invention and is by far one the stupidest ideas I’ve ever seen.

Toyota may play it safe, but that’s how you truly win this game.

Originally published at https://carguy222.substack.com.