The Hardest Part Was Never the Business

No one tells you that the hardest battle is the one you have with yourself.

Photo taken by the author

Building my dreams has been hard.

A while ago, I started a conscious food company. We create products for people who care about where their food comes from and how it’s produced. We currently make artisan dairy products and pasture raised eggs. It’s a project I care deeply about, and one I’ve poured my heart into.

And I know people always say that starting a business is hard and all that.

But I used to think the hardest part was getting clients, making the brand work. You know? All those little things that are more about logistics.

I was convinced that was the hardest part.

And I always told myself that no matter what, I was going to make it, and if I fell or failed, I would learn from it and get back up.

But lately I’ve realized that the hardest part, at least for me, has been finding peace with what I’m doing.

What I mean is that it’s been hard to find an internal balance between everything I want for my dreams, what is expected of me in this project, not only by other people but by myself too, and on top of that having to work another job just to support myself while my business grows. But the hardest part has been figuring out what I want from myself and learning how to manage my own expectations.

I’ve always admired people who make it really far with their dreams, and usually they never show the bad side of things. Or maybe not the bad side, but the hard side. The hard part with yourself.

That constant battle of wondering if I’m doing this right or if I’m doing enough. Because at least in my head, I feel like I have to sacrifice everything to have the life I want. It’s like everyone who’s up there worked incredibly hard to get there, so I have to do the same. And I feel like I can’t allow myself to have free time because it feels like I’m failing myself and failing the dream.

Then I have other moments where I break down. I worry. I get desperate trying to reach the goals we set. And when I show up smiling and saying everything is going well, I feel like I’m being cynical. Like I’m not living up to everything I say I am. Like I’m a fraud.

Even though maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m just overreacting or overthinking all the things that need to be done and the things that don’t.

Yeah, I genuinely think the hardest part of building a business has been understanding myself. Understanding how I want to manage my own expectations and everyone else’s. Figuring out how I’m going to find a balance between the rest I need for my mental health and the things I need to do for my dream.

I’m still on this journey of trying to find that balance. I think I’m doing a little better now, even though I still get frustrated and all that. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to understand myself one hundred percent, but I hope I can keep getting better at it.

Thanks for reading!

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