Can you be the one you were before?

Can you be the one you were before?

People think change happens suddenly. It doesn’t. It happens quietly — through unread messages, sleepless nights, and pretending you’re okay until you no longer remember who you were before.

They usually ask why are you so changed, they usually complain for our silence but we change the topic by saying “i’m fine”. It is something that helps us from sharing our stress, anxiety or our sadness behind a smile. A gift my god maybe!!

Here is me, Sakshi. A student from Delhi, trying to become every version of myself I once imagined at 2 a.m. while staring at the ceiling and dreaming about a bigger life.”

Last year when I got admission in my new school, everything changed, I started giving my previous school friends a tag of old ones. Somehow I became extrovert in this world, it felt like a new start of my life. New friends, new teachers, new school, new hobbies.

On first day of my school, I sat with a guy named Harsh. First period was free period so i was just silent because i really wasn’t in a mood to talk to anyone. So, when 2nd period started Social studies teacher entered the class we all wished him Goodmoning and sat on our desks. After a moment, he noticed me and said “stand up” and i was like bro i did nothing :). Then he said why you sat with a guy?? bro he can’t tolerate to see a girl sitting with a guy so he took my bag and placed it to the 1st desk, yes i was fully shocked by his this move, so i did what he said. nothing interested happened after it.

Next day, there was a new girl named Ishika, we became friends but there was a problem because god can’t see me happy more then a week, her home was more than 40 kilometers far from school. So, after 7 days she was going to leave the school. During this whole time we made a lot of memories like singing, sharing lunch, laughing on the silliest jokes and making fun of every single teacher together.

When she leaved the school I was literally depressed.

After some days around August a girl named Junnu started talking to me and I just losed a friend so i accepted this friendship. I don’t remember fully but after 2–3 days she told me about her relationship with a senior it started a few days before my admission. I also trusted her and told her about everything happening in my life. Nothing really happened after this.

During my mids I also started talking to different section ones and became the part of their group. Meo, she cares a lot and she is the funny one in our group. Sery, her name is same as mine, she is the confident one in our group and she was friendly. Mythi, most sensitive, caring, introvert and cute one of our group, Ojv, he is over in everything but somehow he fits in our group and flirts a lot, May, a good friend, Meran, also a good one, Dak, my favourite bro like we match vibes, we fight, we forgive.

We all are good at singing and cultural activities. Our group is something more than a group. So, we have a very great bond of friendship and teamwork. but the only problem was different section because they all were in section-A and i was in B.

During January, we made a plan to bunk the school. I was pro at this. Me and Sery we both will wait for Meo and her 2 friends at X metro. But they misunderstood and waited for us at Y metro. we waited till 11o’ clock but then we thought that they are caught up by teachers and took every single possibility…but then we decided to come at my home and call Meo’s friend, they recieved our phonecall and they told us about their dumb misunderstanding so we again came to the metro and met them. On the different side, on whatsapp Meo’s and Sery’s attendence was shared, their parents called their class teacher to confirm and they found out they both are on bunk, and we’ll were dead at this point.

After this scene, everything changed between our friendship, they both stopped talking to me, our group was nothing more than a study group.

I stopped talking to them, I don’t know to I felt seperated around them. I changed, I losed my inner child, I stopped texting, blocked each of them because it felt like I used to annoy them. When annual function was about to start we used to practice together, i barely talked to Mythi as well. He was noticing my change from a very long time so he asked me “are you okay??” and i was like “i’m fine bro why do you think i’m not fine??” he said, i’m noticing you from a very long time and I changed the topic.

Then again he sat beside me and asked if anything is wrong and i was like bro i’m fully fine then he said “ It feels like you are pressured by something? you don’t talk anymore..not even to me.”

Not uncomfortable. Just… heavy.

I looked down at my hands.

“I didn’t change suddenly,” I said quietly.

He turned slightly toward me.

“It happened slowly,” I continued. “So slowly that I didn’t even notice when I stopped being myself.”

I exhaled softly.

“It started with small things.”

My voice didn’t shake. It was calm in a way that felt tired.

“Messages I didn’t know how to reply to. Conversations I couldn’t keep up with. Moments where I felt… out of place even when I was with everyone.”

I paused.

“And then I stopped trying to fit in.”

He listened without interrupting.

“I wasn’t ignored,” I said. “Not really. It just felt like I didn’t belong the way I used to.”

A bitter smile crossed my face.

“And I thought maybe it was just me. Overthinking. Being dramatic.”

I looked at him then.

“But one day, I realized… I didn’t feel like myself anymore.”

He didn’t speak immediately.

Because for the first time, he understood something important.

People don’t always break loudly.

Sometimes they fade quietly while still sitting among others.

He finally said, “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

I looked away.

“Because it didn’t feel serious enough to explain,” I said. “And I didn’t want to be a burden.”

A pause.

“And also… I didn’t know how to explain something I didn’t fully understand myself.”

The wind moved gently across the stairs.

He spoke again, carefully.

“Can you be the one you were before?.”

I looked at him.

“please don’t disappear completely.”

For a moment, I said nothing.

The world around them continued as usual — people laughing, walking, living.

But something between them had shifted.

Not fixed.

Not healed.

But understood.

And sometimes, that is the first step.

Change doesn’t always arrive like a storm.

Sometimes it comes like silence — slow, unnoticed, until someone finally says,

“I see you.”

And now after a very long time everything feels okay. Really okay. Everything is like before like he wanted.