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My Three Words of Advice for a Marriage that Lasts*

If you want to stay together forever, stay together forever

The secret to a lasting marriage is simple — don’t get divorced. I know this sounds overly simplistic, maybe even flippant. Before you get all excited and tell me this can’t work in your special case, notice I didn’t say anything about having a happy marriage; I just said one that will last.

Longevity in marriage is really about choosing to stay together no matter what. This means divorce is not an option. If you continue to love each other every day and won’t consider getting divorced, your marriage can last forever. Similarly, if you want to be happy, too, that’s another choice you’ll need to make every day.

I believe happiness is an inside job with less to do with our circumstances than you might think. If you choose to never get divorced, you will be forced to work through difficulties instead of walking away. I would argue this approach may lead to a more fulfilling connection in the long term. Once you keep swimming past the rough seas, the water will get calmer, making it easier to keep your head above water and keep on swimming.

My parents have been married for 70 years. If you asked them what their secret was, they both would say, “murder is still illegal.” They would say there were plenty of times they wanted to kill each other, but they wouldn’t consider getting divorced. With this approach, they made it to their marriage’s second and third acts.

My mother used to say she had really great endurance. Maybe that’s another secret weapon. They both would tell you another secret was to never wake up the next day still angry about what happened yesterday. Leave it behind and start over every day. So they didn’t avoid conflict; they just kept it in its place.

Don’t get divorced isn’t just a rule; it’s a mindset. It’s less about avoiding conflict and more about refusing to abandon the bond.

*Disclaimer: The information in this article is for general informational purposes only and reflects my personal opinions and experiences. I am not a licensed or certified professional in this field. Nothing here should be taken as professional advice (legal, medical, financial, or otherwise). Always do your own research and, when appropriate, consult with a qualified professional before making decisions based on this content.

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Victoria Ponte — 2025.