“All my life I’ve been obsessed with adolescence, drunk on it. Even when I was little, I knew that teenagers sparkled. I knew they knew something children didn’t know, and adults ended up forgetting.” — Lorde ; Letter To Adolescence

a farewell to being a teenager, and the acceptance growing up.

heavily inspired by lorde’s poem ; “Letter To Adolescence”

For the first time in my life, I’m not afraid of the thought of growing up. I used to want to be a teenager forever, because life truly felt euphoric and dazzling. There was something only someone the age of 13 to 17 can feel, see and tell. Like an oath sworn by teenagers to keep secret and forget once they grow up. I loved being a teenager, I loved the insanity of living everyday and the intensity of every emotion just piercing through the soul. I could get drunk on the ecstasy of life, and every breath I took truly felt like the combination of bliss and woe — and I loved it. But now, as I reach the end of my teenage years, I can feel myself toning down, seemingly confiding into what society thinks I should act like at my age, which is weird because I never once felt like I acted like it. Now, the weight and sense of responsibility is heavier than the feeling of life itself, but somehow it doesn’t crush me. It gives me such a rush in my systems that I cannot explain.

I am in this stage in my life, where I feel old enough to come down from the high of youth but still too young to forget that secret teenage oath. I’m at a crossroads between growing up and staying young, and as much as I love being a teenager, and knowing something I’ll soon forget, I can’t afford to not grow up. I will trade what I already know and love to something completely unknown. I will choose to grow up and embrace the change that will come with it, no matter how big or small it may be. So although it’s terrifying, I will do it with a heart that’s ready to grow. My whole life I waited to be a teenager, to see life with such mixed optimism and pessimism, and to feel everything to such extremes — but I can’t be like this forever, and I have to grow up and live life with less color and less emotions. So, I’ll soon leave this crossroads and move forward to take the journey towards a destination I’ll only know once I reach, but I will continue to glance back from time to time to see what I left behind until it eventually fades out of sight, and until the memory dissolves into colorful particles that once covered my whole entity.