Chat with Deb—Psycho-Squirrel? Or Tree-Rat with a Sweet Tooth?

“Don’t worry about the hummingbird feeder,” they said. “Squirrels never bother hummer feeders,” they told me.

Our “Gang of Four” — we think they are all siblings, they just have that vibe. Sometimes a larger squirrel joins them; she has noticeable nursing marks on her belly, so we’re dubbed her “Mama.” (all photos by author)

We’re sitting enjoying the morning in our backyard porch, all the windows open after several overly-warm days. I look out over the back garden area.

ME: Our hummer feeder is empty!

DEB: Uh-huh. (It’s breakfast. She’s reading her book. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me.)

ME: I filled it yesterday!

DEB: (still reading) So somebody was really hungry?

ME: Even a swarm of hummers couldn’t be that hungry!

Seriously, it usually takes a ten-day or more before our hummingbird feeder needs refilling. So I, of course, investigate the problem. Is the feeder cracked because I over-tightened it? No. Is the feeder leaking because I under-tightened it? No. Is the feeder experiencing an invisible leak that will only become apparent if I fill the feeder with water and let it sit in the sink for most of the day? No.

ME: So basically, the only thing that would make the feeder empty like that would be if it was tipped at least 30° and held that way for a minute or more. Which can’t happen.

DEB: Unless a squirrel tipped it?

ME: Debster, we’ve had a hummingbird feeder for… what, over fifteen years now? At least? And this is the year that squirrel decides that hey, sugar water! I should get me some of that!

So I refill the feeder and figure if it happens again, we’ll figure something out.

It happened again. It wasn’t hard to figure out.

Our feeders have screens to keep the wasps out. Really easy to chew through, if you have sharp teeth. Hmmm, wonder who THAT might be…

ME: (text to Deb) So remember I said the sudden emptying of the hummer feeder only made sense if it was attacked by a tree rat with a sweet tooth? Guess what? 🤬

DEB: WHAT????😵‍💫

In hindsight, it should have been obvious. One of our junior squirrels has discovered chewing through things is the way to get to great stuff. Which is how our “squirrel-proof” feeder got destroyed.

The outer cage? Impervious to squirrel teeth. The inner plastic seed holder? Not so much, after a skinny squirrel manages to wiggle into the cage, and wants ALL the seed, thank you!

ME: So I went looking for baffles or shields or barriers or whatever the various makers call their anti-squirrel thingies. I looked at the reviews, of course, and the one-★ reviews all point out fatal flaws. The squirrels can chew through the barrier, see attached photo. The squirrels can force the barrier up. Or down. The barriers cannot be screwed or otherwise fastened tightly enough to the pole to keep a persistent squirrel from dislodging it. So for now, I’ve refilled the other hummer feeder and have that out so I don’t have hummingbirds peering into the window at me wondering why there’s no food for them, and I squirted WD-40 all over the pole. We’ll see how that works.

Ah! Gail Boenning, who now spends most of her time on Substack, wrote about how she used a slinky to protect her seed from chipmunks!

[embed]Tenacity Bernadette watches from the birdbath.open.substack.com

And how it didn’t work.

Okay, well, those are Wisconsin chippies, maybe our squirrels will be less persistent? And a Slinky™ is only $3.59 plus tax. Worst case, we have a toy to give to our grand-nieces or -nephews. Possibly with some squirrel slobber on it.

[embed]List: Chats with Deb | Curated by Jack Herlocker | Medium Chats with Deb · My wife and I, just talking about stuff. Formerly "Conversations with My Wife" and with all the old…medium.com