Fast-Food Romance, “Stamp-Collecting” Dating: Why Are There So Many NPD Types in Nightclubs?

As a nightclub blogger, writing about psychology does feel a little off-topic. But honestly, the two places where I’ve met the most people with NPD were Hengshui High School (a famously high-pressure Chinese exam-prep high school) and nightclubs. So in a weird way, this topic is kind of made for me.

NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, has become a pretty well-known personality disorder over the past couple of years. But people still misunderstand it a lot.

The biggest misconception is that NPD people are some tiny group of hidden demons lurking among normal people.

But in reality, NPD is probably one of the most common personality disorders in China.

Only-child families, parents loading you with both expectations and indulgence, making you narcissistic. Chinese-style education with “look at other people’s kids,” constant criticism, and emotional suppression, making you insecure. Exam-oriented schooling and workplace rat-racing making people jealous. Early romance being banned, being told not to hang out with “bad friends,” and growing up without much room to develop empathy…

The average Chinese upbringing is basically a giant NPD incubator.

I saw plenty of NPD types when I was in school. But I’ve seen even more in nightclubs.

People sink into the night because they often can’t find an identity during the day.

Buying bottles at clubs for vanity, fast-food romance, “stamp-collecting” dating, treating people like trophies in a collection… honestly, that’s classic NPD behavior.

Besides misunderstanding how common it is, people also misunderstand what NPD actually means. They think NPD just means “someone who loves themselves too much.”

Not really.

The core feature of NPD is constantly swinging between extreme narcissism and deep insecurity.

They’re narcissistic, so they’re self-centered. They’re insecure, so they need other people to validate their worth. In intimate relationships, the emotional vampirism, putting others down, trophy-style dating, jealousy… all of it comes from that insecurity.

Image source: Gestalt Psychology

Based on what I’ve observed, the most common NPD types fall into two groups.

The first type is the frustrated, unsuccessful NPD.

These people often call themselves socially anxious. But it’s not that they can’t talk. It’s that they care way too much about what others think, lack a sense of safety, and use “social anxiety” as a cover. Put them in an environment where they feel secure, and they can talk nonstop all day.

Another trait of this type: they’re cynical and checked out at the same time.

It’s not that they don’t want achievement. They’re just terrified that every bit of effort they make will become someone else’s joke.

The second type is the successful-career NPD.

You see this a lot among big tech and finance elites. They love showing off their degrees and achievements, and they carry this intense sense of superiority toward basically everyone.

Their arrogance is what drives them to chase perfection and achieve things.

But NPD also destroys them. They’re constantly tortured by a kind of nihilism. They crave love, then hurt the people who love them.

Whenever people mention NPD, the standard advice is: run.

And honestly, that’s reasonable. People with unstable personalities are often dangerous.

Everyone says NPD is a psychological distortion that can’t be cured.

That also makes sense, because NPD doesn’t need reflection, healing, or rescue.

What they need is self-awakening.

So this might be the only “NPD Awakening Guide” you’ll ever see on the internet.

The most important thing for an NPD person to awaken is to take their narcissism all the way to the extreme.

The reason you’re full of flaws is that you’re still not narcissistic enough.

If you’re NPD, try talking to yourself like this when you have nothing better to do:

“Hi. Whether this world is a novel, a game, or a movie, you’re the absolute main character, right?”

“Yes. Exactly.”

“Then please do what a main character is supposed to do.

The prince in a fairy tale doesn’t cheat, sneak around, or flirt behind people’s backs.

The protagonist in a shonen anime keeps moving forward and never gives up. They don’t obsess over what other people think.

A main character obviously can’t hurt others. Of course they have to sacrifice more, be kinder, and carry more than everyone else, because they are the protagonist.

The protagonist is supposed to be full of life and give energy to others, not drain energy from them.

If you can’t do that, then you’re not the protagonist.”

It sounds like a kind of self-PUA (a Chinese internet term meaning self-manipulation or psychological self-conditioning), but this stuff genuinely works.

There’s a line in the Dao De Jing: “Reversal is the movement of the Dao; weakness is the function of the Dao.”

The transformation between contradictions and opposites is an eternal law. Push narcissism to its absolute extreme, and it turns into selflessness.

What NPD people need to learn is to see their lives from a completely new angle.

You are the novelist. Your life is the epic you are writing.

You are the artist. Your life is the artwork you are shaping.

When you look at everything that happens to you from this perspective, you’ll find that everything changes.

You worship yourself, so you protect your reputation.

So you stop extracting emotions from others.

You’re too proud to lie, exploit people, or envy them.

You admit your mistakes.

You don’t belittle or attack others.

The negative emotions other people can’t defeat, you can defeat, because you are above them, unique and one of a kind.

You use narcissism to support a strong moral compass, and through that, you stabilize your personality.

At this point, your morality and your narcissism are tied together.

For you to become morally stained would be no different from destroying your self-esteem.

My friend said this method sounds a bit like “spaghetti code” in programming.

I said, yeah, pretty much.

Using narcissism to manipulate yourself. Using pride to build morality. Using story structure to stabilize personality.

But this is probably the only path for an NPD person to become internally coherent.

I call this subconscious suggestion method the “Main Character Story Framework.”

Use narcissism to build a superego higher than reality itself. Let pride drive you forward tirelessly. That, in my view, is the only way for NPD people to escape the endless torture of arrogance and inferiority.

Once an NPD person gets used to thinking this way, they finally complete their life assignment.

They become almost saint-like in their selflessness.

They create a golden body for themselves, becoming the so-called perfect partner.

Finally, let’s talk about top-tier NPD.

These are people so narcissistic that they believe they have a unique mission for all of humanity.

Take Elon Musk, for example. Precisely because he fits the mold of a top-tier NPD type, he firmly believes he has a mission to help humanity colonize Mars.

He sees himself as a savior and a great figure of the age. It’s exactly this narcissism that gives him extraordinary willpower and conviction.

Of course, emotionally, he may not be a good partner. That’s because his main story framework is built around his career.

Many great figures in history were top-tier NPD types. That tireless drive, the cruelty of sacrificing personal happiness, the belief that lets them stand up again after being crushed countless times, often comes from a narcissism so extreme that they see themselves as savior-like figures.

Of course, not every NPD person successfully awakens.

Sometimes giving people hope is not a good thing, because without hope, there’s no despair.

My personal advice is still: if you meet an NPD partner, run. Haha.