Becoming Takes Longer Than We Expect

Congratulations, you decided to begin again. But beginning is only the first step. Becoming takes time, patience, grace, discipline, and the willingness to keep going even when the evidence of change is still difficult to see.

So, you’ve made the decision. You looked at your past. You acknowledged what needed to change. You forgave yourself. You decided to move forward. You found the courage to begin again.

Congratulations!

But now comes another part of the journey that we don’t talk about enough.

You have to become.

And becoming takes longer than we expect.

I think many of us make the mistake of believing that because the decision happened in a moment, the transformation should happen in a moment too.

We make a decision today and expect tomorrow to look completely different.

We say:

“This is it. I’m changing.”

And then two days pass.

Nothing dramatic happens.

A week passes.

Still not much.

A few weeks pass, and we begin wondering:

“Is this even working?”

That is where many people turn back.

Not because they don’t want to change.

Not because they didn’t mean what they said.

But because they expected starting to look like becoming.

They are not the same thing.

Starting is a decision. Becoming is a journey.

Imagine that you had been travelling in the wrong direction for 10,000 miles.

One day, you realize it.

You stop.

You turn around.

You finally understand that the direction you were heading was wrong.

That moment matters.

It is a major moment.

But turning around does not instantly put you back at the place where you should have been.

You still have a distance to travel.

And that is sometimes what happens with us.

We discover a wrong habit.

We recognize a wrong mindset.

We realize that a relationship was unhealthy.

We discover that we chose the wrong path.

We understand that we were living beneath our values.

And we decide:

“I’m going back.”

That decision is powerful.

But you’re still on the road.

You still have habits to unlearn.

You still have thought patterns to correct.

You still have wounds to heal.

You still have disciplines to develop.

You still have things to understand.

You still have a person to become.

And that process takes time.

Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself

One of the hardest things about becoming is learning to have grace for yourself.

We can be incredibly patient with other people and incredibly harsh with ourselves.

Someone else starts something and makes mistakes, and we say:

“Give them time.”

But when we make a mistake, we say:

“You should know better.”

Someone else is learning, and we encourage them.

But when we are learning, we become frustrated because we think we should already be good at it.

We forget how long it took to become who we currently are.

Some of our habits didn’t appear overnight.

Some of the ways we think were shaped over years.

Our environments shaped us.

Our families shaped us.

Our communities shaped us.

The things we watched shaped us.

The books we read shaped us.

The people we admired shaped us.

The things we repeatedly heard became beliefs.

And those beliefs eventually became patterns.

So when you decide to change, you are not simply changing one action.

Sometimes you are unlearning years of conditioning.

Give yourself some grace.

Slow Progress Is Still Progress

One of the biggest lies we can believe is that slow progress means no progress.

It doesn’t.

If you are moving, you are moving.

It may not be fast enough for your preference, but it is still movement.

Maybe you used to give up after one failure, and now you try twice.

That’s growth.

Maybe you used to react immediately, and now you pause before responding.

That’s growth.

Maybe you used to avoid difficult conversations, and now you are learning how to have them.

That’s growth.

Maybe you used to allow everyone to influence your decisions, and now you are learning discernment.

That’s growth.

Maybe you still struggle, but you recover faster.

That’s growth too.

We often look for dramatic transformation and miss the quiet evidence that something is changing.

But becoming is often happening in places nobody else can see.

Every small decision in the right direction is adding something to who you are becoming.

Faith, Community, Discipline and Patience

I don’t think becoming is sustained by willpower alone.

For me, faith is part of it.

You have to believe that the journey is worth taking.

You have to believe that what you are becoming is possible.

You have to believe that God is still working even when you cannot yet see the finished picture.

But faith doesn’t mean you sit still.

Faith moves.

And sometimes, faith needs community.

You need people who can say:

“Keep going.”

People who can remind you why you started.

People who can challenge you when you’re slipping back.

People who can celebrate progress you don’t even notice.

People who can help you stay accountable.

And community does not have to mean a huge crowd.

Sometimes it is a sibling.

A friend.

A mentor.

A spouse.

A parent.

A colleague.

One or two people who genuinely want to see you become better can make a significant difference.

You don’t have to walk the process alone.

Then there is discipline.

Because sometimes you will not feel motivated.

Sometimes the excitement of the new beginning will disappear.

That’s when discipline becomes important.

You continue because you decided.

You keep practicing.

You keep showing up.

You keep making the better choice.

And then there is patience.

Perhaps one of the most underrated parts of becoming.

You have to be willing to stay with the process long enough for the process to change you.

Don’t Give Up Because It Isn’t Happening Fast Enough

I think this is where many people abandon their new beginning.

They say:

“I tried.”

“I was committed.”

“I did it for three days.”

“I did it for three weeks.”

And because they don’t see the result they expected, they stop.

But think about it.

You may have spent five years developing a habit.

Ten years developing a mindset.

Fifteen years building a particular way of living.

And now you’re upset because three weeks of doing something differently hasn’t completely changed you?

Be fair to yourself.

You are not going backward because the process is taking time.

You are in the process.

God May Be Building More Than You Asked For

This is another part of becoming that I find beautiful.

Sometimes we want the result.

God may be interested in building the person who can sustain the result.

You may want to become a successful business owner.

But there is a person you need to become before you can carry that responsibility well.

You may want to become a good father.

But there are lessons about patience, presence, responsibility, and love that you have to learn.

You may want to become a good husband or wife.

But perhaps you first have to learn communication, humility, forgiveness, sacrifice, and emotional maturity.

You may want the position.

God may be preparing your character for the position.

Because what good is becoming something if you don’t know how to sustain it?

What good is reaching the destination if you don’t know how to remain healthy when you get there?

Sometimes the process is not punishment.

It is preparation.

You Are Not Who You Used to Be

One of the most important things you can do during a becoming season is recognize your progress.

Don’t only look at how far you have to go.

Look at how far you have come.

Maybe you are not where you want to be.

That’s okay.

But are you where you were?

If the answer is no, then something is happening.

You are becoming.

The fact that you recognized something needed to change was growth.

The fact that you had the courage to begin again was growth.

The fact that you are still trying is growth.

The fact that you are learning from your mistakes is growth.

The fact that you can see something now that you couldn’t see five years ago is growth.

Don’t dismiss that.

Celebrate it.

Not because the journey is finished.

But because you are no longer standing where you used to stand.

Becoming Is the Point

Maybe we have been too obsessed with arrival.

We want the title.

The position.

The marriage.

The business.

The money.

The success.

The recognition.

The finished product.

But what if the becoming matters just as much as the arrival?

What if the lessons you learn while becoming are part of the gift?

What if the patience you’re developing now is exactly what you will need later?

What if the discipline you’re learning now is preparing you for a responsibility you haven’t seen yet?

What if the difficult season is teaching you how to carry the beautiful season that is coming?

Then the process is not wasted time.

The process is part of the preparation.

So be patient with yourself.

Be persistent.

Be disciplined.

Keep your faith.

Stay connected to good people.

And keep choosing the person you are becoming, even on the days when you don’t feel like you’ve changed much.

Because one day, you may look back and realize that the person you became was being built quietly, one ordinary decision at a time.

Before You Go

You do not have to become everything today.

You only have to keep becoming.

Give yourself grace.

Give the process time.

Stay committed to the decision you made.

Keep the good things you discovered.

Correct the things you got wrong.

Let the right people walk with you.

And when you don’t see enough progress, don’t throw away the journey.

You may simply be closer than you think.

Because starting happened in a moment.

But becoming?

Becoming takes time.

And that’s okay.

Continue the Journey

Yesterday, we talked about The Courage to Begin Again the courage to forgive yourself, learn from what happened, and take another step.

Today is about what comes after that step.

You started.

Now you keep walking.

And as you walk, you become.

I’m Purple. Welcome to the Inner Circle, where questions are welcome and growth is intentional.