Once a princess

I often felt like a little princess.

The best part about it was that I never doubted it for a second. In that way, I motivated myself in many different areas of life.

Of course, most princesses aren’t professionals in Formula 1 or physics. On the other hand, who’s going to stop me?

And again, this was exactly the dream world where I wasn’t judged, but praised.

Yet, this shouldn’t be confused with egoism or narcissism. It is a way to have a ‘safe brain’ that guides you daily, without worrying about unnecessary thoughts or doubts.

Now I’ve grown older… A little voice in the distance keeps repeating that I am still that sweet, cheerful little princess. Unfortunately, reality is felt. And because of that, thoughts can be nullified. Feeling is immediate. Feelings don’t give warnings. Even though we try to direct and reshape them… if a message needs to be delivered, it will surely appear. And then… Wow.

This is apparently a vicious circle. One thing is tied to the other. Somewhere, it all sounds so logical. And yet, it feels important to pause and reflect on it. Because reality is what you make of it.

I started typing this post because I am currently recovering from an addiction that has caused a lot of damage in my life. A lot of shame, depressive thoughts, and above all, a lack of understanding. Somehow, my brain wanted to get it out this way. And I think it’s beautiful. Besides, it’s been a long time since I last wrote, since I just let my thoughts flow…

And now I don’t dare to go any further… or…?