Smoke Season Style: Your Capsule Wardrobe For Unpredictable Atmospheric Events

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

What does one wear when life on this planet is in mortal peril? While conditions vary by region, the key to dressing for the season is flexibility, resilience, and conspicuous acceptance. Follow this simple layering guide to stay comfortable, presentable, and sufficiently emotionally distant to participate in society no matter what the current unprecedented times may bring.

Base Layer: Denial

Start with a light layer of denial to soothe your most intimate anxious thoughts. The haze is “better today” and you’ve “definitely seen worse.” Nothing smells like, and no one’s eyes are burning. This foundational buffer allows you to move through the day without panicking before 9 a.m., even if that’s way too early for it to be above 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

Use thin, breathable material, upcycled from previous seasons.

Second Layer: Disposable Item to Be Sacrificed to Evolving Local Conditions

Select something of low emotional value. Ideally from fabric that can absorb notes of campfire, environmental collapse, and/or pepper spray.

Patterned textiles work best, as they conceal ash, gnawing despair, and are less likely to clash when the sky is the wrong colour. Avoid whites unless you’re curious how quickly hope discolours over a single afternoon.

Outer Layer: Light Jacket for Apocalyptic Ambiguity

A light jacket is ideal for early or late season, when the temperature may pass as pleasant but the vibes remain ominous.

This layer signals awareness without escalation. You are well aware that something is horribly wrong, but proceed with your day in a carefree yet professional manner. You do not panic; you are layered in measured preparatory style. Bonus points if the jacket has pockets for essentials like lip balm, sunglasses, and personal protective equipment.

Accessory: Vintage Existentialism Facemask

Complete the look with a facemask left over from previous seasons of global catastrophe.

This versatile accessory offers protection from particulate matter, allergens, and masking involuntary facial reactions when receiving severe weather alerts on your phone in public settings.

Footwear: Shoes for Indoor Activity

Since outdoor activity may be inadvisable, select shoes that suggest intention without follow-through.

Running shoes are ideal, as they suggest optimism. Sandals are risky, as exposed toes may signal complicity.

Optional Layer: Sunglasses at All Times

Sunglasses provide protection from the sun, chemical irritants, and counterbalance the unsettling cinematic glow that makes errands feel like a scene from a 1980s apocalypse film.

They also allow you to have small, private emotional breakdowns in public, which is one of this season’s most underrated activities.

Evening Layer: Hoodie of Quiet Acceptance

As the day winds down and the smoke thickens, pull on a soft hoodie; the kind you associate with comfort, streaming television, and casual optimism that tomorrow will be different. This layer is less about warmth and more about emotional insulation.

Colour recommendation: Grey. Always grey. All is grey now.

Curating a wardrobe for this season’s unprecedented times allows you to move seamlessly between home, miscellaneous civil unrest, and the nagging reveries of summers that weren’t on fire. Your standard of fashion can remain high, even as the air quality does not.

Dress accordingly.

Ashley K. Frantik writes funny and speculative things from Treaty One territory in Canada. You can find these things at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Points in Case, Weekly Humorist, and more! She is @duchessofwinnipeg on Bluesky and Instagram.