What is Love?

I have been questioning this since the first time I got my heart broken. And in the nearly forty years that I have been asking this, I have found myself giving slightly varying answers. Sometimes, it’s this, other times, it’s that. A few times, it is a delusion or a concoction of our brain chemicals, and a minority of times, it’s not real.

*👋🏼 Not a Medium member? *Click here to read the full article. Also, why don’t you consider signing up as there are so many good authors and articles to read and learn from. Plus, you reading as a member helps all us authors with our readership.🙂

And so, you can see why at fifty, I am still asking myself this question.

I am a type of person who wants to most logical, most reasonable, most plausible, and most sustainable solution to a problem. I don’t like quick fixes, or temporary solutions, even though I do know that they work when most needed.

But asking, “What is love?” is not the same as fixing a leaky tap or compiling code with a bug in it. It cannot have quick fixes or temporary solutions because you end up where I am, asking the same question every few months or years.

Created with Midjourney

And so, for the past few days that this question has been tossing around in the back of my mind, I have been wondering, what would be the most ideal, if not the most fool-proof way of answering this question.

And I did what I normally do in class. Flip the question.

So, this morning, instead of asking the question, “What is love?”, I asked the question, “What does it feel like or mean ‘to be loved’?”

When do I feel loved? What actions or words from the other person make me feel loved? And my assumption here is that while the exact actions or words may vary from person to person, the context and the category those things fall in would be the same across the board.

And the answer specific to me is that I feel loved when the other person does something that breaks their character just to make me feel better. Let me explain.

Let’s say I had a friend who did not like Asian cuisine and usually avoid it. But they agree to go with me for lunch at a pan-Asian restaurant. Here are some more examples:

• Watch a superhero movie with me even when they are not fans
• Listen patiently to my story when all they want is some quiet time
• Let me have another or last piece of their favorite dessert
• Give me a compliment even if it makes them uncomfortable

When they do these and many other things, they are breaking away from their character, their innate or preferred tendencies, just to accommodate my quirks and preferences or needs.

Or in other words, sacrifice something for me.

I had come up with, “Love is sacrifice” as an answer a few decades back, but I wasn’t confident that I was right. It seemed right and fit almost every story of acts of love. You do things for other people, you put them ahead of you, you prioritize them. Mothers starving to feed children, fathers rushing into burning buildings to save kids, a partner giving up their job to move with their loved one, or a partner working harder to support the hobbies of another.

Every true-ish story of love is that of sacrifice.

But “Love is sacrifice” seemed fantastical and not real-worldly in my head. But it seems to make sense now that I flipped the question and found that “to be loved” is akin to “to have been sacrificing for”.

I guess, when singers sing of doing anything or everything or both for their loved one, they are getting, at least the notion of, love right.

Authors like me rely on the kindness of strangers like you. If you enjoyed this article or learned something new, a few claps and a quick comment go a long way in keeping my spirit moving.

If you’re interested in how ancient strategy can help founders survive and thrive, you might enjoy my books, **A Startup Founder’s Guide to the Art of War and [Design a Better Business](https://www.amazon.in/dp/B0FTS4C5VZ)**. They are full of candid stories, field-tested advice, and practical lessons for anyone building something from scratch.

You’ll find more of my writing here too — feel free to explore when you’re ready.

Thanks again for reading. See you in the next one. 🤗❤️