A Message to Fathers, Mothers and Guardians

A father watching his kid look out into the world

I sat there when the sun started to go off duty. In the evening, as we called it in simple terms, I sat near my balcony, facing my son who was crawling towards me with excitement and happiness in his face. I watched him sit before me, look at everything and then his eyes darted towards the balcony, the doors which were open. They were shut usually, he tried his best, put his hands on the glass trying to pry them open to go towards the uncharted space, the balcony. We never allowed it, it was too risky, the hurdles, the ups and down and the filthy mat. With his habit of putting anything and everything in his mouth, it was an easy decision to keep him inside. But now, he had grown, he was more curious than ever. His eyes processed the things he saw better, his head was more up looking at this than down trying to eat things in his hand. Naturally, I let him go. He crawled towards it with everything he’s got, worried that I might just pick him up or close the door like I usually do. But I did no such thing. I let him cross the barrier, and finally put his little hands and knees onto the balcony. He saw the grill and he went for it. He was bigger than those gaps by now. His head can’t get in and he didn’t have the understanding to try to put his legs in. He went to them, held them and stood up straight and looked at the world beyond.

I was watching all this from the back, looking impressed and admiring his curiosity as he stood there. The frame was something unforgettable. He cast a little shadow on the world he looked at, he was tiny to the grills before him, even tinier when compared to the building after the balcony. He stood there unaware of this difference, unaware what the world was like. It was on me, on my wife, on us to prepare him for the world, for his life. He had a simple life now but life loves change and it won’t be the same forever. He’ll grow up and at one point he has to diverge from our path, choose his own and walk it with uncertainty. Confidence and curiosity will be the only tools he’ll have at first, some don’t even have the first one when they walk their paths.

He’s grabbing those grills, looking from the gaps as the birds fly by. I need to do my best so that when he grows up big enough to put his hands over the grill and look at the birds fly by, there is a smile on his face rather than a jealous look on how they’re free. I want him to watch the world beyond that balcony and feel satisfied with what he has and how he has achieved rather than regret and sorrow wondering where he went wrong. I can’t hold his hand and take him there, I can only prepare him with the right tools and the right mindset so that he eventually goes there. If it’s my life, any fuck ups would be dealt with me telling my inner me “Meh, I’ll improve, not the end of the world”. I don’t have the luxury to do that in his life. I can’t afford mistakes, I can’t afford negligence. There is no scope for me to fall short. This won’t be that forgiving. I need to do my best and there is no trying, I need to make it happen.

For all the fathers and mothers and anyone out there right now looking after their babies, we are alone in shaping their lives and taking care of them yet we are together in sharing the same responsibility. It is a lonely battle, we can see others fighting beside us, the same battle, the same reason but we can’t help them out. We can make it, we have to, there’s no other choice.