‘One day, I’ll be that one day.’

She kept apologizing for being slow, but never realizing she had never stopped moving.

No one really teaches us how to persevere. From childhood, everyone is busy teaching us how to dream. They ask us what we want to be when we grow up. They say that as long as we work hard, everything will be fine.

They teach us that every effort will be rewarded, that every tear will be rewarded with happiness. I believed all of that. Unfortunately.

I grew up with dreams that felt so big, it’s felt like that could fill the entire sky. I believed, that as long as I didn’t stop walking, I would one day reach the place I always imagined. But no one ever told me about that one important thing.

No one told me, that journey towards my dream would sometimes be far colder than any season we’ve ever know. There were days when I woke up earlier than usual, did everything to the best of my ability, gave it my all, and still came home feeling empty. There were days when I opened a book, stared at a screen, or repeated the same task over and over again, only to end up asking…

“Am I really good enough for all of this?”

And that question slowly morphed into something more painful.

“Are my dreams too big for someone like me?”

Funnily enough, we often forgive other’s failures more easily than our own. We tell our friend it’s okay if they’re tired — we tell them to rest. We hug then and tell them tomorrow will be a better day. But when it’s our own turn… ?

We choose to remain silent. We call ourselves lazy. We call ourselves not talented enough. We call ourselves failures, just because one day didn’t go according to plan.

But maybe… We’re just tired.

I’ve been at point where it felt like everyone else was running while I was standing still. Watching my friends start to find their own paths. Watching others achieve the dreams I secretly wanted too. And without realizing it, I began to measure my worth by the success of others. It was… exhausting. So exhausting.

Until one day I realize, that flowers never compete to bloom first. They only grow when their time is right. So, maybe human are like that too. Maybe we’re too busy counting how far others have come, that we forget to see how far we’ve endured ourselves.

Because surviving is also an achievement. Getting out of bed when your heart is in turmoil is an achievement. Trying again after repeated failures is an achievement. Still daring to call something a “dream” even though the world has repeatedly made you doubt it is also an achievement.

I know, there are nights when you just want to cry. There are night when you want to call you mom and say, “Mom… I really want to succeed. But why does it feel like nothing is going my way?” And maybe, there won’t be an answer that will instantly change everything for the better. But that doesn’t make your struggle in vain.

Dreams don’t always grow when we win. Sometimes it grows on the days when we choose to stay awake even though we cried ourselves to sleep last night.

Maybe the world feels too cold today. Maybe the path you’re on is far harder than you ever imagined. And maybe, tomorrow won’t be easy right away.

But if today all you can do is survive? Then survive. No need to run. No need to prove anything to anyone. Take a deep breath, rest if you’re tired, cry if you’re short of breath. There’s nothing wrong with being human, you know?

Because dreams never ask us to be perfect.

The only ask us to never stop believing that someday all these wounds will have meaning. I don’t know when your day will come, I don’t know when all this effort will finally bear fruit either.

But I do know one thing. A woman, who still chooses to wake up every morning to pursue her dreams, despite repeatedly feeling like she’s failed? Is a woman who is much stronger than she thinks.

So, to the woman who reading this — to the woman who is questioning herself tonight. To the woman, who is silently crying because she feels left behind. And also, to the woman, who till carries her big dreams even though her hands are tired?

I hope tonight you can forgive yourself. Wipe away your tears, and take some rest.

The world isn’t going anywhere — neither are your dreams.

And tomorrow, when the sun comes knocking on your window again… I hope you’re still willing to do one small thing that has secretly made you so extraordinary. Try one more time, we got you.

— Senar Senja