“I am as My servant Thinks I am”

What I got wrong about Allah.

There are few times when I used to wonder whether Allah dislikes me or worse is disappointed in me. As a human being, I am prone to making mistakes and also asking for forgiveness. I used to ask myself if whenever something bad happened that yes this was me finally paying for my sins. I came across a certain hadith qudsi and it changed my life and changed how I viewed Allah.

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ: قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ

“يَقُولُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى: أَنَا عِنْدَ ظَنِّ عَبْدِي بِي، وَأَنَا مَعَهُ إِذَا ذَكَرَنِي، فَإِنْ ذَكَرَنِي فِي نَفْسِهِ، ذَكَرْتُهُ فِي نَفْسِي، وَإِنْ ذَكَرَنِي فِي مَلَإٍ، ذَكَرْتُهُ فِي مَلَإٍ خَيْرٍ مِنْهُمْ، وَإِنْ تَقَرَّبَ إِلَيَّ بِشِبْرٍ، تَقَرَّبْتُ إِلَيْهِ ذِرَاعًا، وَإِنْ تَقَرَّبَ إِلَيَّ ذِرَاعًا، تَقَرَّبْتُ إِلَيْهِ بَاعًا(1) وَإِنْ أَتَانِي يَمْشِي، أَتَيْتُهُ هَرْوَلَةً”

رواه البخاري (وكذلك مسلم والترمذي وابن ماجه)

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: Allah the Almighty said: I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a cubit, and if he draws near to Me a cubit, I draw near to him a fathom. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed. (1) Another possible rendering of the Arabic is: “I am as My servant expects Me to be”. The meaning is that forgiveness and acceptance of repentance by the Almighty is subject to His servant truly believing that He is forgiving and merciful. However, not to accompany such belief with right action would be to mock the Almighty.

It was related by al-Buhkari (also by Muslim, at-Tirmidhi and Ibn-Majah).

Allah said I am as my servant thinks of me and that was really something that just shed light to the relationship I had with my creator. I saw my creator as someone who would punish me when I make mistakes or even afflict me with tribulations as a way of punishing me. When I heard that hadith the first thing I felt was sadness, and I also felt embarrassed to say the least because how could I even think of Allah that way? That was a changing point, I set out to redefine the relationship I had with my creator. I was able to look at the blessings I had and be grateful, and I thought to myself regardless of how many sins I committed Allah was kind enough to bestow me with all that I had. I was able to view sickness and tribulations not as a punishment but as Allah trying to forgive me. He was that KIND and MERCIFUL. I made mistakes and sought forgiveness and saw My Lord as EVER FORGIVING. No matter how many mistakes I made, I knew that Allah will forgive me if I asked. That way I got closer to Allah, I started seeing Him as a friend, as a buddy, as someone who I could consult, as someone who will always be kind enough to me. I started thinking of Allah as kind and merciful, I was no longer viewing everything that came from Him as a form of punishment whether it was sickness, failing an exam none of it felt purposeless anymore. This has made me more conscious of Allah, and always think of Him in a good light.