Something about a girl and the boy group she loved at 15.

Cheers to my youth that became a flowery path, SEVENTEEN.

The weather that resembles you All the memories on the flowery path Put a small note in front of you If we hand it over to each other It seemed like it was going to be okay Let’s make our hearts easier in the future You’ll be able to figure it out

Photo sourced from Pinterest

I am the world’s greatest player of hide and seek. The chameleon that will never get caught and the friendliest social butterfly that you will ever see. Throw me in any social circle, give me a day, and I’ll fit in. Ask the people in my old school and they’ll describe me as this hyperactive fool who will talk to anything that is breathing. But as soon as my uniform was discarded in the four walls of my room, I became it. I lose my colors. My wings are cut.

At the edge of fifteen, my problem was my inability to keep friendships. I can only build shallow friendships because I never understood how to give outsiders access to my life. So, I spent my early teens being the most extroverted girl in class that everyone knew but never knew about. I just disappeared every afternoon and no one bothered to look for me.

To my quiet sobs at night, the heavens took pity and sent their music as a reply. During a boring art history lesson, a friend jokingly challenged me to memorize the faces and names of a certain boy group that is infamous for having thirteen members. Before the mandatory flag ceremony the next day, I was already reciting their names in front of her from oldest to youngest and it became the start of something.

Gone were the slow days of pure boredom when I would want to skip my youth because I thought there was nothing left for me to discover. I spent my afternoons looking for English translations of their contents (long before the iconic intro of “Going Seventeen”). Snuck my phone past my bedtime to watch their performances in year-end award shows. Created a stan account dedicated to them. Engaged in several petty fan wars. Dropped thousands of tags for promotions, and spent many nights awake to stream music videos every comeback season (these are all canon events, no ONE can interfere).

Back then, I never realized how much they helped me become a “somebody”. Not just a breathing doll with glassy eyes, but someone who has a whole life ahead of her and a youth to enjoy. Along with the milestones, brand deals, and recognitions they were achieving, my life was also moving forward. I yearned to have the friendship that the thirteen of them had. I began to learn how to connect with friends on a deeper level and unknowingly found my people the same way Seventeen was tossed together by life.

I was lucky enough to see them up close, hear them live, and watch them perform right before my eyes thrice in my country. It was so difficult securing those tickets and it was a struggle to save up for the costs, but everything was worth it. I cried so much when I saw Woozi walking towards the side of the stage where we were standing because it was so nice to finally see the creator of the music which made me dream for the future while living in the present. Their concerts typically last for about four hours, yet it was my fondest memory.

It’s okay, your world is precious And precious just as you are right now Stay here with me After laughing it off like a grown-up Even when crying like a child

Seventeen was the only thing I wish to never outgrow. Except that I am no longer fifteen. I now have things to pursue and to prioritize. They are still my source of comfort in this tragic world but my stan twitter and my persona there was long abandoned. I am still updated with their variety show guesting, but I do not have enough time to watch every single video of them. But now and then I go back, it’s eternal youth once again.

To my S.Coups, Jeonghan, Joshua, Jun, Hoshi, Wonwoo, Woozi, DK, Mingyu, THE8, Seungkwan, Vernon, and Dino, one thing is for sure, I will live my years carrying love for you. Seventeen will forever be the definition of my youth. I will never forget how your music found the girl who kept disappearing.

Do not meet their standards This time Our dawn is hotter When the day is bright The world is ours

I was young once and it was beautiful. Now, I am out to conquer the world, because someone’s song told me that our dawn is hotter than day and there is no need to fear because it is ours.

Even until the last say the name.