Is Diddy feeling lighter?

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One wonders. Is part of him feeling a strange sort of relief, now that much of his dark side is on display? He can no longer pretend that he embodies love and good vibes, so he no longer has to. Could it be a burden, carrying around a persona like Brother Love when your private life is quite different? On one track, he’s been indulging in activities that feed his darkness. On another track, he’s been maintaining a cover-up for the sake of his public image. Is he now going to be more authentic?

This is not me seeking a silver lining, or giving him advice, or even encouraging him. It’s me wondering whether someone can feel a sense of relief no matter what level of objectionable their newly exposed truth is. There is range, after all — are you owning up to wanting a divorce or are you owning up to being a devil worshipper?

Admittedly, serious legal implications in Diddy’s case make owning his vices tricky. He won’t readily cop to anything that leads to penalty. And when you’re putting all your energy into a defense, you’re not likely to work on any sort of personal development. Having your dukes up full-time doesn’t allow for self-reflection or the humility of looking in a mirror. Indeed, regular reports of Diddy smiling in court and making heart-hands indicate that he wants to show himself shatterproof. But is he secretly growing more comfortable with people seeing the true him?

Most defendants present a favorable self-portrait, so why even bother to ask whether Diddy will become more transparent? I’m thinking more about when the legal process is over (whether that involves prison or not). What is he going to do about all the icky stuff he’s had to admit to? This is not the everyday defendant who could disappear into private life and who people will forget. He’s a high-profile entertainer and business mogul who needs a palatable image as currency. The world is watching, and now everyone knows of the alleged sexual exploitation, violence, extreme drug use, and bullying. What is the chance that he’ll stop pretending he’s a spreader of good energy and tell us who he really is?

Everyone has darkness in them, I believe. The seeds are there in each of us. What makes one individual’s darkness more harmful than another’s is the extent to which that individual feeds the darkness, denies its existence, and fails to disempower it and stay vigilant. Diddy’s dark side seems more empowered than the average, including in the past whenever he has tried to launder his image.

I never really bought it, his rebrand that included naming himself Love, or Brother Love. It made him more suspect in my eyes. It felt like smoke and mirrors. By that time, I’d come across enough conversations online about his neglect and mistreatment of industry talent. Financial exploitation is common across the ruthless music business, but talk of exploitation by Diddy was also associated with a supposed Bad Boy “curse” — the downward spirals, ill health and even loss of life among several artists under his Bad Boy music label. Moreover, there had been whispered (and unsubstantiated) rumors online, speculating that he was involved in the murder of Tupac, and even Biggie. That’s why all that campaigning as Love seemed suspiciously like the type of thing a villain would do. Perhaps this is unfairness, or even hysterics, as far as interpretation goes. But even later on when he returned publishing rights to some of his artists or former artists, that seemed like another smokescreen. A PR move for the sake of his 2023 album release. At worst, the good deeds were meant as a distraction. At best, they were an actual attempt at a cleanse, a panicked but true effort to create good karma for himself.

What might dropping the act look like? It could mean maintaining his unsavory lifestyle (the legal parts) while disappearing from public life. Though that is a possibility, it’s unlikely. He’d have to give up being influential and he’d have to stop seeking the energy and satisfaction that come from public validation. There remains a considerable fan base willing to give him that.

The way I see it, this would leave two main options for dropping the act — confess to it all and begin a path to redemption, or confess to it all and “lean in.” The latter is of course the least likely of them all. Depending on whatever you believe is the extent of Diddy’s “debauchery” (his own word, reportedly), he’s not going to now produce freak-off cinema, or promote black magic sacrifice, or whatever else the rumor mill has suggested.

Am I mistaken though? In suggesting in the first place that he might now feel that Love is/was actually a burden, a façade to shed? He might conversely feel that, with some tweaks, the persona could yet be his saving grace. What if he hopes to salvage that image by surrendering a part of it, by presenting some sort of mea culpa in order to win back some credibility?

Already, Diddy has pointed to addiction as the only reason he violently beat Cassie. While some may not buy that explanation, it implies that he’s had to accept the label of habitual drug user. And indeed it’s become a rather acceptable label in general because everyone knows the entertainment industry is rife with substance abuse. It is no surprise that Diddy’s drug problem seems like the only vice he may be willing to openly confront. A public journey toward sobriety might be his grand offering to regain favor.

So while Diddy may offload a vice or two, he probably won’t fully shed the Love persona. In any case, his true self on full display would be a spectacle but it likely wouldn’t serve public interest. Perhaps that is best saved for his priest? A resilient priest at that.