cursed are those who can’t explain what they feel

no one supports the language of heart

from pinterest

there are people who observe, who notice, who feel, who dive deep into the ocean just to find what that word meant. they catch all the notes, but they can’t explain even a bit of it. they feel the ocean, just to explain the drop, and sometimes not even that. i don’t know if it’s a curse or what, but i sometimes feel like i’ve lost my way in life because of this.

i read somewhere, ‘you’re nothing if you can’t explain what you feel.’ it ripped me apart. sometimes, i feel like there’s someone pulling me toward them to explain everything, and at the same time, there’s something pushing me away, and the second one always wins. you can’t feel this pain if you haven’t been through this.

and then there’s that feeling. knowing there’s something wrong, but not knowing what. at times, you can’t even explain it to yourself. you feel something, but you don’t know what. you kick your mind to know what it is, but you can’t. you become part of something that will eventually destroy you.

you feel ten emotions at once, but are unable to name even a single one of them. your heart is deep, but your brain doesn’t know how to spill it out. in this world, no one cares about your heart, everyone values the beauty of the brain, and not the depths of the heart. maybe because it’s difficult to measure the depths, and easier to be aroused by the beauty.

hundreds of times, you say ‘i’m fine,’ not because you really are, but because explaining ‘no’ is harder. your heart carries all the words, but your lips fail here too. ‘i don’t know’ is always a difficult thing to express, an easier thing to misunderstand, and meaningless to the rest of the world.

helplessness is when you simply say, ‘I.. I don’t know how to explain.’ they will surely ask you again and again, but you can’t tell them what happened or what’s going in your heart because you aren’t even able to find the words from your vocabulary.

the things of the heart are always most precious and the most cursed ones at the same time. they’re special to your soul, you keep them closer to yourself, but one day, you have to tell them to others. but, by that time, you’ve lost the power to put it into words.

and the things that’s like serpant’s bite is that you want to be understood while being incapable to explain yourself. you have feelings, words, vocabulary, but the thing you never had was power to express.

the inability to explain is sadness, loneliness, loss, curse, helplessness, longing, confusion, and silence. but you should know that it’s not the same as not having anything to say. you… you just lack the confidence because you weren’t surrounded by the people you deserved, or maybe because you never understood its meaning.

kafka once again wins here.

i cannot make you understand. i cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. i cannot even explain it to myself.

— Franz Kafka