86 47

Is free speech kaput?

Free speech! At least for now. Spotted on a freeway overpass in California. (Author photo.)

When I started working as a waitress, I learned a bit of restaurant jargon.

The first time a fellow server told me, “86 the asparagus,” I had no idea what he was talking about.

But I soon learned; it meant the kitchen had run out of asparagus.

It didn’t mean slaughter the asparagus. It didn’t mean assassinate the asparagus.

It simply meant that the kitchen no longer had that particular food item, so we couldn’t serve it to our customers.

I went on to work at a bunch of different restaurants and guess what? That’s what “86” meant at all of them.

It meant “This menu item is toast.” So to speak.

Our president, apparently, isn’t as smart as I was as a teenaged waitress because he appears to have misunderstood the significance of the term “86” and concluded that a photo of seashells arranged to say “86 47” is clear evidence of a plot to kill him.

That’s just bonkers.

And, of course, all the Magaheads are pretending that this makes perfect sense because if he told them to jump off a cliff they’d do it.

Thus, Trump’s Justice Department has indicted former FBI Director James Comey because he shared a photo of the threatening seashells on Instagram. They contend that this constituted a violent threat against the Orange Man in the White House.

Unlike restaurant servers everywhere, the DOJ believes that “86” is mob slang for “kill” and that “86 47” is therefore a threat to kill the President.

When, just to be sure, I asked AI if “86” is mob slang for “kill” it responded with:

Are you effing kidding me? Or course not! The term “86” is commonly used slang for removing, discarding, or refusing service to someone, often in restaurant or bar contexts. You might interpret it to mean to kill or “get rid of” someone if you were really paranoid and delusional, but you’d be totally wrong because it really just means to “nix” or ban. And if you don’t believe me? You need therapy.

I didn’t want to be a waitress forever, so I went to college and then to law school, where I learned that the First Amendment guarantees your right to say things, even if somebody really doesn’t like what you have to say or really doesn’t like you.

There are nuances and interpretations and exceptions of course.

But the bottom line is that if you told James Madison, the Founding Father who drafted the First Amendment, that the DOJ was going after Comey for hostile seashells, he’d fall down laughing. Either that or he’d fall down sobbing because if this really is what the President is up to in 2026?

America is truly fucked.

Can we please just 86 this ridiculous vendetta?

(**Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, has been featured on both The Today Show and Morning Edition, and has been included in 20 Chicken Soup for the Soul collections, is a [Writing Coach](https://rosalindwarren.medium.com/need-a-good-editor-get-in-touch-c3508093b772?sk=da811ef430b407044d2aff236d7c0570) who specializes in helping Medium writers craft and publish better stories. Drop her a line at roSwarren@gmail.com. (That’s Ros with an “s,” not a “z.”)**

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