A SOUL KITCHEN 4 STAR QUALITY STORY

When Others Set the Emotional Thermostat

And somehow everyone calls this reasonable

Image by Sergei Akimkin on Unsplash

Years ago, on a hot summer day, a colleague appeared at the bank wearing two wide bands of semi-transparent fabric that weren’t fully circling her body; one served as a top, the other as a skirt.

I was tempted to ask her where they were shooting the new Tarzan film, as apparently, she was playing Jane’s part, but the way the Janes of this world choose to (un)cover their bodies is none of my business.

It became my business a few minutes later, when Jane complained that it was too cold and demanded that we turn off the air-conditioning, because she had to go somewhere after work and didn’t want to sneeze.

Whatever her reasons, her demand was immediately satisfied. Because **even if just one person says they are cold, it doesn’t matter if everybody else feels hot.**

To this day, I have not found a reason behind this social rule. I comply with it, but I don’t- and never will- accept it, though I really tried, in a generalized attempt to adjust and fit in.

Like everything else, it didn’t work. But it made me reflect a lot about cold, heat, and people.

We perceive external temperatures differently

The numbers on various scales are absolute; their perceptions are not.

As a child, I noticed tourists from northern countries wandering happily around in t-shirts and shorts while we were still wrapped in coats.

For us, it was cold; for them, it was warm.

So I concluded that we perceive temperature depending on where we grew up or where we come from. Or not?

Not all colds are cold

I understood this firsthand when, in my first year of studying abroad, I visited my family for Christmas.

Christmas means winter, and winter means cold in a European country, no matter how southern.

But… I left a place with many degrees minus, and I arrived at a place with almost the same degrees, but above zero.

Memorable!

After my first hour, feeling like a witch surrendered to the flames, I was on a chair, through the wardrobe’s upper shelves, tearing open the bags where my summer clothes were stored.

For the next couple of hours, I endured my surroundings in as bare an attire as decency would allow, until that was not enough anymore.

So I implored them to turn off the heating. They did.

Seeing me walking barefoot on the tiles, deliberately avoiding the carpet, made them put on an extra pair of socks.

After a while, I asked them to open the front door. They wouldn’t have been more shocked if Yeti had appeared before them in a Brazilian bikini and high heels, dancing rumba.

Then my mother gently threw me out and closed the door. I didn’t want to go back inside to eat, so they handed me a plate of food, which I consumed after it had become cold.

I could have spent those holidays happily as a stray cat had it not been for the bathroom and bed.

Only one value for normal body temperature for all mankind is far from accurate.

Once upon a time, some scientists decided upon the following:

“The average normal adult body temperature is considered to be 37°C or 98.6°F (For kids is slightly higher). However, rather than an exact number, healthy body temperature exists within a normal range that fluctuates based on activity levels, age, and the time of day.

Normal Temperature Ranges:

• In Celsius: 36.1°C to 37.2°C
• In Fahrenheit: 97°F to 99°F”

They said that above this range is fever, and below this range is hypothermia.

In 2019, some doctors revealed to me that this is only a general guide, a point of reference. Not absolute. Every person has their own normal body temperature range.

Mine, for example, is 34–35°C/ 93.2–95°F. At any age, time of day, or year. Which means that, until 2019, I was made to live under conditions of constant fever, feeling weird for not seeing this as normal.

All people are equal, but some are more equal than others

I have never wanted to be prioritized over people who have the exact opposite condition to mine.

But why are they prioritized over me? Why are their needs more important or urgent than mine?

I’m cold, they say. Well, you have scarves, head covers, and thick fabrics. You can put on some more clothes. I can’t take mine off, and sometimes even my skin feels like an extra coat.

It’s so freezing, I can see my breath. -Lucky you, I can’t take a deep one.

My brain becomes numb with cold. -My brain becomes porridge with heat.

I get a runny nose. - I get a bleeding one.

It never ends.

And I can’t help thinking that not only our body, but also our mind and soul have their own personal normal temperature. Our emotions, our thoughts, and feelings too.

So why are they allowed to accuse us that if we don’t want the heat of their maliciousness, their lack of respect, or their manipulation, we are sensitive and weak?

Who gets to decide on the normal temperature of love?

Nobody asked me. Nobody asked you either.

We just inherited a thermostat someone else set, a long time ago, in a room we weren’t in.

And now we’re the ones called dramatic for shivering or grasping for air.

I’m not asking to be believed instantly. I know my own fever looks like everyone else’s comfortable. But there’s a difference between doubting a number and doubting a person — and somewhere along the way, we stopped making that distinction.

They get to say you’re too much. We don’t get to say you’re too little, and we are still the ones paying for it.

Why do we prioritize people over other people, but not a season over another?

Anyway…

If anyone among you happens to live in a big refrigerator and needs a fridgemate…just let me know!

📌 This story is part of the Soul Kitchen 4 Star Quality collection.

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