But too bad you’re just somebody who sits across the room

But too bad you’re just somebody who sits across the room

I don’t even know when it started, maybe it was the way the light caught on you glasses or how your dimples appeared so effortlessly, like a secret the universe trusted only you to keep.

We’ve never really spoken, not properly, just passing moments, quite intersections of existence where our worlds brushed but never stayed, like two lines that almost meet but don’t. And yet, somehow you’ve taken up space in my thoughts like a song I didn’t mean to memorize and become familiar to me in a way that doesn’t make sense.

It’s strange loving someone from afar like this. There’s no story, no shared memories, no conversation, nothing I can point to and say “This is where it began” It’s just me watching from a distance, collecting fragments of you, the curve of your smile, the calmness in your presence, the way you seem so unaware of the effect you have on someone who is quitely honestly captivated and no one to you.

I’ve also heard that you’ve known loss in a way that changes you. I don’t know your parents, and never will. But I find myself thinking about them, about how proud they would be of you. The way you keep going, the way you build something out of everything you’ve been through. They would watch with full hearts, even if they can’t be here for you physically, they would see you, they would know and they would be so proud of the person you’ve become.

You raised as a someone who knows where you are going, like you have plans, ambition, something steady inside you that keeps you moving forward. You know your dreams better in a way that’s real not just something people say, you’re building a life that feels so certain, full of direction.

The way you smile, the way you carry yourself, and the way you think you have that quite intelligence about you. I’ve heard things about you too… like the kind of schools you’ve been to, how far you’ve gone, even making it abroad. You seem like someone who belongs in bigger conversations, bigger places. It’s the kind of life that feels so big from where I stand. And maybe that’s part of it. I don’t just like you, I admire you. A lot more that I probably should for someone who doesn’t even know me.

And there’s something else, something softer. The way you treat people, the way you move through the world, it makes me think you were raised with care. Like your mother brougt you up loyal and kind, it shows even in the smallest things.

Sometimes I catch myself hoping for the smallest things like an accidental glance that lingers a second too long, a coincidence that places us in the same moment again. But even then, I don’t move, I don’t speak. I just stay where i am, guarding this feeling like it’s something fragile, something that might dissapear the moment it’s touched. Because i want to see where life takes you, to know that you get everything you’re working for, to see you end up somewhere you truly belong, somewhere you’re happy, somewhere you feel at ease.

Maybe I like it this way because it’s safe. Because in this distance, you can remain exactly as you are in my mind. Soft, kind, untouched by reality’s complications and I can keep loving you without the risk of losing anything.. because, in truth, I never had you to begin with.

But, I wonder what your voice sounds like when you’re not speaking to a crowd, sounds of your laugh loudly or softly, and if you’d ever notice me the way I look at you like you’re the only clear thing in a blurry world.

But maybe this is all it will ever be. A quite kind of affection, a gentle, unspoken admiration that exist only in the space between us. No expectation, no heartbreak, just a soft ache that feels almost beautiful.

And perhaps that’s enough.

To love you like this

from a distance,

in silence,

with a heart that beats a little differently

every time you pass by.