To Have & To Hold

I still do! Do you, still?

"I, take you, to be my lawfully wedded husband... to have and to hold from this day forward... for better, for worse... for richer, for poorer... in sickness and in health... to love and to cherish... till death do us part... according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge you my faith."

...

I still remember those words. Not because they were beautiful, but because I believed them. Every. Single. One. Even then i knew that vows weren't merely spoken... they had to be lived.

"To have and to hold..."

To hold the family together, to hold children, to hold responsibilities, to hold conversations that never came, to hold tears until they became silent prayers. Holding on... even when you no longer felt held.

Tell me...

Do you still?

"From this day forward..."

I thought "forward" meant together. Walking side by side, growing, failing, healing. Instead, somewhere along the road, as you kept moving, did the road suddenly become further away? It seemed like a shared address was not always a shared life. Yet, i still walked forward.

Did you?

"For better... for worse..."

The "better" came with smiles for photographs. The "worse" came after everyone left. There were words never spoken. Questions never answered. Silences louder than arguments. Trust stretched so thin it barely recognised itself. You’d discover that betrayal isn't only found in what someone does, sometimes it's found in what someone consistently refuses to say. Yet, when "worse" arrived, I stayed.

Did you still?

"For richer... for poorer..."

We’ve counted money. We've counted bills. We've counted sacrifices. But somewhere in between, bills of disappointments counterfeited their way in. Poverty isn't always an empty wallet. Sometimes, it's an empty embrace, an empty conversation, an empty place beside someone who is physically present... yet emotionally absent. I still invest.

Do you still?

"In sickness and in health..."

No. Not every sickness wears a hospital wristband. Some illnesses are invisible: The exhaustion. The anxiety. The nights sleep refused to come. The mornings smiles appeared because the children were watching. The version that slowly disappeared while trying to keep everyone else alive. Hope was kept that one day you would notice the sickness no doctor could diagnose.

Did you though?

"To love and to cherish..."

Love. Such a simple word. Such difficult work. Love isn't only providing. Love isn't only paying bills. Love listens, love notices, love apologises, love protects, love chooses...again...and again...and again. I do not claim to have loved perfectly. There were moments pain made me someone I never wanted to become. For that... I have had to seek God's mercy too. But even through disappointment... my desire was never simply to win an argument. It was to find my husband again.

Do you still want to find your wife?

"Till death do us part..."

Not yet. We are still breathing. Yet still pieces of us have died. Dreams. Conversations. Trust. Laughter. Pieces that deserved a proper funeral...but instead... were buried beneath routine. Still... I stand here. Not because leaving never crossed my mind. Not because pretending is easier. But because covenant was never meant to be convenient.

So i hope you still do.

"According to God's holy ordinance..."

Marriage was never His suggestion. It was His design. Not for one person to carry. Not for one person to bleed. Not for one person to keep choosing... while the other merely remains. God is still faithful to His covenant.

The question is...are we?

"And thereto I pledge you my faith."

I did. I still do. Not because everything has been beautiful. Not because we've never broken each other. Not because I have never cried. But because I stood before God... and meant every word. Today... I ask only one question. Not as your enemy. Not even as your judge. But as the woman who once stood before you believing forever would feel different.

Do you? Still?

my favorite colors and simple fonts