ANOTHER FUCKING NEWSLETTER

AFP’s July Newsletter

The monthly update from the Kingdom of Fuckery

Image made by Queen Dee in Canva

Hello, my fave bunch of fuckers!

July arrived with all the subtlety of a sweaty thigh sticking to a plastic chair, at least in the Northern Hemisphere!

Half the planet was being cooked alive, the other half, my half, was freezing its tits off, and absolutely nobody knew whether they were meant to be wearing sunscreen, thermals or the haunted expression of someone who has just opened their electricity bill.

Meanwhile, the internet continued behaving like an unsupervised toddler with access to a credit card, world events remained deeply committed to ruining everyone’s nervous system, and therapy-speak became the preferred weapon of people who want to call you an asshole while sounding emotionally evolved.

Naturally, AFP responded in the only sensible way we know how: we kept fucking writing.

We ranted. We overshared. We answered problems we were in no way qualified to solve. We found new and inventive reasons to use the word “fuck”, and several of you turned ordinary annoyances into stories so dramatic they deserved their own Netflix limited series.

Let’s unpack July’s fuckery.

This Month in Fuckery

July gave us everything from weaponised therapy-speak and disastrous personal conundrums to patriotic disappointment, homicidal gardening fantasies and the usual collection of people behaving as though common sense were an optional subscription service.

We published 60 stories, welcomed 16 new contributors, and in the most exciting of updates, we somehow dragged our beautiful, sweary community to 4212 followers.

79 glorious gluttons for punishment decided to follow our madness, which feels like a lot of people gathering in one place without somebody calling security.

Thank you to every writer who trusted us with a story, every reader who clapped, highlighted or commented, and every silent lurker who reads AFP while pretending to do something respectable.

We see you.

(Well, Medium’s statistics claim we do. Whether Medium’s statistics know what the fuck they’re talking about is another matter entirely.)

This Month in Fuckery

July may have been cold, dark and aggressively committed to seasonal depression, but our numbers remained surprisingly fucking cheerful.

✨ 18.9K views and 13.6K reads!

The legendary Medium summer slump may be hitting our northern-hemisphere writers, while those of us in Australia are too frozen to move our fingers, but people are still showing up to our sweary little playground.

They’re reading. They’re clapping. They’re commenting. Presumably, some are also judging us silently, which still counts as engagement.

👋 16 new writers joined the pub this month

July was a weird time to start anything. Half the world was sweating through its underwear while the other half was wrapped in blankets, refusing to leave the couch.

Despite this, our brave new fuckers dove in headfirst and published some absolute bangers.

Welcome to Linda Sharp, Thomas Krawford, Dr. Rhetta Standifer, Jimmy Mutter Fokker, Erik Victor Reed, Buddy Gott, jt williams, Jose Luis Ontanon Nunez, Salman Al Farisi, Laura Marland, Giri Ram, Eshwari Reddy, Dana Mayer, Philip Ogley, Demme

Be kind. Be loud. Read their work, clap until your fingers cramp and leave comments with all the enthusiasm of someone venting in a group chat they have temporarily forgotten contains their mother.

Here Are Our Top Three Must-Read Motherfuckers

Here are the top 3 writers for July 2026:

⭐️ Steve Uppendahl — Reads: 117 | Views: 114 for Uncle Asshole: Your Husband Isn’t Loving; He’s Bored and Not Creative

If anyone can give out advice on how to handle a pain-in-the-ass partner, it’s our resident Uncle Asshole! To not take his fucking advice is considered a carnal sin around these parts! And if you are a new writer, and are unsure how to respond to an Aunty Asshole call for help, this article is a perfect example!

⭐️ Sherene Jensen — Reads: 86 | Views: 116 for Shopping for Bedding Is Bullshit

Our Shazzle knows shopping, and she called out the fuckery that is looking to acquire new bedding. She’s given us a super-relatable situation, and dressed it up with her perfect blend of sweet snark!

⭐️ Oscar Rhea — Reads: 68 | Views: 83 for Your Waiter Doesn’t Think You’re Funny

In case you weren’t aware, your waiter has heard your “the glass has a hole in it” bit roughly 17,000 times, and no, he’s still not laughing. Oscar explains why he ditched the canned jokes to actually — god fucking forbid — talk to people!

🍾Foul-Mouthed Favourite Writer of the Month

Every month, we recognise a writer who embodies the spirit of AFP.

They are always someone who possesses a special set of writing skills, and has written something for AFP that has landed them with the award for the most reads!

This month’s filthy crown goes to none other than Eekuna, again!

Eekuna is a former winner of this prestigious honour; in fact, she took out last month’s crown too! However, she was awarded this magnificent accolade for being the one fucker around here who posted the most-read story in our pub!

If you want to be our Fave Foul-Mouth Fucker, then you gotta write, and write the good stuff!

🥂 Round of motherfucking applause, Eeks. You’re our July MVP: Most Valuable Pottymouth.

Check out her winning article:

[embed]Stop saying these 5 things Or don’t, and keep looking stupidmedium.com

What in the Actual Fuck Is Happening in August?

August arrives carrying strong “the year is nearly over” energy, despite there still being several emotionally demanding months left to survive.

In Australia, August is the final stretch of winter. The novelty of puffer jackets and cosy blankets has completely fucked off, every café has turned its outdoor seating area into a wind tunnel, and nobody remembers what it feels like to leave the house without checking whether rain is about to ruin their plans.

It is also the month when we begin lying to ourselves about spring.

“It’s getting warmer,” we say, standing in six-degree weather while our nipples attempt to cut through three layers of clothing.

For our northern-hemisphere fuckers, August is hot, sticky and full of people insisting summer is nearly over while continuing to sweat through every available item of clothing.

Wherever you are, motivation is running low and the year has begun to feel like a party you should have left hours ago.

Naturally, AFP plans to keep making questionable decisions and publishing excellent stories.

The August Calendar of Chaos

A selection of important, ridiculous and potentially inspiring dates for your writing consideration:

August 1 — World Wide Web Day — A celebration of the magnificent invention that gave us instant access to the world’s knowledge, followed immediately by misinformation, unsolicited dick pics and strangers arguing beneath slow-cooker recipes.

August 2 — Ice Cream Sandwich Day — Finally, a sandwich that has never pretended to be healthy or asked whether you would prefer gluten-free bread.

August 3 — Watermelon Day — A day dedicated to a fruit that is 92 per cent water and still somehow manages to make your hands, face, clothes and kitchen bench sticky.

August 5 — Work Like a Dog Day — Work hard, demand snacks, become irrationally excited when somebody arrives home and lick yourself during meetings. Inspiring.

August 7 — International Beer Day — A global celebration of beer, friendship and suddenly becoming confident enough to tell a complete stranger your entire relationship history.

August 8 — International Cat Day — The one day cats receive the praise and attention they believe they are tragically denied during every other second of the year. Also, fuck cats.

August 9 — Book Lovers Day — Buy another book despite the unstable tower beside your bed containing 47 books you have promised you are “definitely reading next.”

August 10 — Lazy Day — At last, an observance so many of us have been training for our entire lives.

August 12 — Middle Child Day — Please remember to celebrate. Your parents probably won’t.

August 13 — International Left-Handers Day — A day for the people who have spent their lives smudging ink, fighting can openers and being treated like scissors were invented specifically to humiliate them. Think of Ned Flanders.

August 15 — Relaxation Day — Sit down. Put your phone away. Ignore every notification. Then spend the next hour worrying about everything you are not doing.

August 16 — Tell a Joke Day — Perfect for dads, uncles and every man who has just discovered a pun the rest of us first heard in 1997. Also pay homage to Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) 😬

August 17 — Thrift Shop Day — Pay twelve dollars for a shirt somebody’s uncle died in because it is now considered vintage.

August 19 — World Photography Day — Take 86 nearly identical photos, dislike all of them and upload the first one after applying a filter that makes your skin look medically concerning.

August 21 — World Entrepreneurs’ Day — A day for anyone who has ever added “Founder and CEO” to their biography after opening an Etsy store.

August 26 — International Dog Day — Celebrate the creatures who love us unconditionally, steal our beds and behave as though we have returned from war whenever we come home from the supermarket. Dogs are better than humans. And cats.

August 30 — International Whale Shark Day — A celebration of the enormous spotted fish that looks terrifying but mostly cruises around filtering snacks from the water. Honestly, an admirable lifestyle.

August Is Also…

Happiness Happens Month — An entire month devoted to noticing moments of happiness, even when those moments consist solely of somebody cancelling plans you did not want to attend.

Family Fun Month — Spend quality time with your family and create precious memories you can later unpack in therapy or turn into an AFP article.

Romance Awareness Month — Remember that romance is not dead. It is simply exhausted, wearing old underwear and asking what you want for dinner.

National Catfish Month — Officially, this is about the fish. Online, it sounds more like a month dedicated to discovering that the attractive stranger you have been messaging is actually a married tyre salesman named Graham.

Tradies National Health Month — A timely Australian reminder for tradies to look after their physical and mental health instead of insisting an iced coffee, a servo sausage roll, a bag of cocaine and “she’ll be right” constitute a comprehensive wellness plan.

Before we go, read this section if you are a Friend Of Medium!

You may have noticed a lot of chatter about Medium’s fun new toy, TK.

Well, because I’m a curious motherfucker, I decided to test out the tool over the past week, and I have to say, Medium has fucking done good!

So, I wanted to share with you all some info even the most simple of you fuckers can understand, coming from a Queen who relies on Kay Flanagan for all important information, and who genuinely gets sweet fuck all for asking you to join the platform!

Here’s the short version of what it is and why it might work for you:

What TK is:

• A private-by-default writing space for to-dos, passing thoughts, and real drafts.
• A place to develop your shit quietly, then share them only when you’re ready.
• Built around Libraries — themed collections of notes you can browse, join, and contribute to.
• With an optional in-line AI assistant (just type TK) you can lean on or ignore fucking entirely.

Why it’s worth adopting

• Ok, so it’s private first. Every note is yours until you decide otherwise so that you can draft without a fucking audience.
• Feedback on your terms. Share to your profile, via a link, or into a Library to collect responses and reactions from other fuckers you trust.
• Stay in flow. The in-line assistant answers the little questions that usually send you to another tab, so you don’t lose your rhythm.
• Bring your existing work. Import from Medium or other places where notes live, and export back to Medium when you want to publish. (That’s right, you can publish to Medium directly from TK!)
• Organise your way. Group notes into personal Libraries and add private tags to find things later.
• Community built in. Mention other fuckers, notes, and Libraries with @, and see who’s read your work.

If you write, for work, for fun, or to think, TK gives you a calm place to do it and an easy way to share when the time is right.

Honestly, I didn’t understand a fucking about it, but after watching this walkthrough, I felt compelled to try it out, and I think many of you might find it helpful.

Plus, it’s also included in your FOM membership — and I know how much you fuckers enjoy a freebie!

Here’s the walkthrough:

[embed]

Until Next Month, Fuckers

Thank you for continuing to make AFP one of the funniest, strangest and most welcoming corners of Medium.

Thank you to our writers for handing us their stories.

Thank you to our readers for showing up.

And thank you to the AFP editing team, who keep the whole operation moving while juggling lives, jobs, deadlines and a submission queue that occasionally resembles the final days of Rome.

Keep reading. Keep writing. Keep causing exactly the right amount of trouble.

Whatever August throws at us, we will swear our way through it together.

And remember:

Life is hard. Swearing helps.

Queen Dee and the AFP Fuckers

[embed]AFP’s Submission Guidelines & Rules Updated 25 July 2025medium.com

Tagging you all! If you don’t want to be tagged, just let me know, and I will remove you from the list. And if you haven’t written anything for a while for us, why the fuck not get started now?

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