Why One-Way Partnerships Smell Like Dead Possums in the Backyard

What occupational psychology, public health, and one unfortunate Australian marsupial taught me about unhealthy digital relationships

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During my years in public health, I learned something that has stayed with me long after I left the profession. Most unhealthy relationships don’t collapse because people work too hard. In fact, many people thrive on hard work.

Nurses regularly work exhausting shifts because they know they’re making a difference. Teachers spend evenings preparing lessons they will never be paid for. Parents somehow manage to survive years of interrupted sleep without filing formal complaints with Human Resources.

Hard work rarely breaks people. What gradually wears them down is something else. The growing feeling that the relationship has stopped flowing both ways.

Occupational psychologists have spent decades studying this phenomenon. Behavioral scientists describe it in terms of reciprocity. Organizational researchers call it effort-reward imbalance.

Australians, on the other hand, have developed a rather more practical diagnostic tool. If something smells like a dead possum, it probably deserves a closer look. Now before our international friends begin writing concerned emails flooding my already busy inbox, I should explain.

In Australia, discovering a dead possum under the veranda is one of those uniquely educational life experiences. At first, nobody is sure what’s causing the smell. Perhaps it’s the rubbish bin. Perhaps the neighbor has started experimenting with exotic cheeses. Perhaps someone forgot yesterday’s seafood.

Everyone develops wonderfully creative theories. Until eventually one brave soul says, “Mate… I think we’ve got a dead possum.” The remarkable thing isn’t the possum. It’s how long otherwise intelligent people can spend pretending they can’t smell it.

I’ve occasionally noticed similar behavior in certain digital partnerships. Not any particular organization, of course. Let’s simply imagine an online platform that proudly describes itself as a partner with creators, editors, and curators.

The community grows. More people arrive. More content appears for joy. Everyone celebrates the success. Then something interesting happens. The workload begins to multiply faster than appreciation.

Volunteer editors, moderators, and community helpers find themselves spending increasing amounts of time cleaning up spam, untangling copy-and-paste submissions, answering repetitive questions, resolving disputes, and preserving the quality that attracted people there in the first place.

Naturally, they’re thanked for their contribution. They may even receive a shiny new title. Perhaps even the word “partner.” How flattering it can be!

Then comes the part that fascinates me as a former public health researcher. The relationship subtly changes. Instead of asking, “How can we reduce the mess?” the conversation gradually becomes, “Who can help clean it?”

It sounds like a small distinction. Psychologically, it isn’t. One question addresses the source of the problem. The other redistributes the burden. Public health has encountered this pattern for decades, and it still struggles with it.

When hospitals become overwhelmed, we don’t solve the problem by congratulating nurses on their resilience while adding another ward to their roster.

When classrooms become overcrowded, we don’t celebrate teachers by giving them twice as many essays to mark. At least, we shouldn’t.

Healthy systems don’t just admire the people carrying the heaviest loads. They continually ask whether those loads should exist in the first place. That’s one reason I become slightly nervous whenever organizations proudly announce a new “partnership.”

Hard-earned experience has taught me that the word can mean two very different things. Sometimes it means shared responsibility, shared decision-making, shared risks, and shared rewards. Other times… It means, “You look wonderfully capable.” “Would you mind carrying this as well?”

Please don’t misunderstand me in this story. I am very much into altruism and philanthropy, especially after retiring after 53 years of service in the public health field. Communities genuinely need volunteers. Writers and editors on any platform deserve recognition. Moderators perform extraordinary work that most users never notice because success, by definition, looks invisible. None of this is the problem.

The question is whether recognition eventually becomes a substitute for redesign for selfish corporate gains. If the kitchen floor needs mopping every five minutes, perhaps the conversation shouldn’t begin with finding more enthusiastic moppers.

Perhaps someone should check whether the tap upstairs has been left running. That, I suspect, is where many modern digital platforms and communities now find themselves. It is not because anyone intended it or volunteers suddenly became less generous. But it happens because technology has made creating digital clutter astonishingly easy while leaving the responsibility for preserving quality stubbornly human.

Which brings me back to the dead, stinking possum in my story. The smell isn’t the enemy. It provides useful information. It tells us something in the system deserves attention. Ignoring it doesn’t improve the air. It encourages everyone to become accustomed to holding their breath.

Healthy partnerships in personal and professional relationships work rather differently. They don’t simply reward the people cleaning the floor. They keep asking why the floor keeps getting dirty. And in my experience, that’s usually the difference between a partnership that flourishes and one that eventually starts smelling like a dead possum.

If you like this story you might enjoy another relevant one:

[embed]The Day I Realized the Internet Had Invented a New Profession Free or Cheap Editorial Labor Became a Norm in Modern Content Hosting and Distribution Systems with the Proliferation…medium.com

Now, another intriguing tech topic for me is the new espionage claims, which I covered in a previous story.

[embed]The AI Race Finally and Unsurprisingly Has Entered Its Industrial Espionage Era Why 29 Million Fake Conversations May Tell Us More About the Future of Artificial Intelligence Than the Next Business…medium.com

Thanks for reading my thoughts. Stay healthy and happy!

I started a new series called the World Is Fucked Up. Here are two stories that might entertain and educate you:

*The World Is F@cked Up and Here’s What We Can Do*

*In a World F@cked Up, Here’s What Medical Gaslighting Taught Me About Public Health*

If you are interested in sex, I have started a sex education series that might educate, inspire, or even entertain you. Here are the links to some sample stories:

*The 8 Habits of Sexually Satisfied Couples With Any Sexual Orientation*

*Why Good People Sometimes Cheat on Their Partners*

*Sexual Health Is a Natural Part of Healthy Aging*

*The Loneliness–Libido Connection for Men and Women*

*What Most People Were Never Taught About Female and Male Orgasm*

*The Neurobiology of Sexual Pleasure and Meaningful Human Connection.*

*Human Libido: What Most People Were Never Taught About Sexual Desire*

*What Most People Were Never Taught About Sexual Confidence*

*Neurocognitive and Affective Differences Between Erotic and Pornographic Stimuli in the Brain [Warning: This one is scholarly!]*

*What Science Reveals About Anal Pleasure and Orgasm for Both Women and Men [Free access via my community blogs]*

Originally published on my blog site. Curators also summarize my stories in short podcasts.

Cheers, Mike!