The Subtext of Self-Defense

Feeling safe takes more than knowing how to kick butt

Photo by psubhashish — https://commons.wikimedia.org

I used to tremble on the inside when I walked down the street. A violent childhood conditioned me to always be vigilant. As an adult, I expected the worst to happen. I was fidgety. Uneasy. Wound up tight.

There was something wrong with me. I was sure of it. I couldn’t imagine other people could live their whole lives feeling the way I did every day. It was maddening.

Bodybuilding helped. So did martial arts. Judo got me away from the party lifestyle I was using to distract myself. My sensei probably saved me from disaster.

But all my training hadn’t calmed my mind enough to control my nervous system. I was still going into fight-or-flight mode at inappropriate times. My inner world was in turmoil too often.

I knew how to fight, how to protect myself. I wasn’t in danger. But I carried a tension around all the time. I was afraid of something, but I didn’t know what.

And I didn’t have to know. My body was reacting on its own to what my conscious mind didn’t remember.

Discovering the Origins

While I pinpointed the event that probably led to the worst trauma, there were many micro-events along the way. It’s impossible to remember all of them, but I can recall the feelings. I can categorize each incident that comes to memory. Embarrassment, shame, anger, resentment– what did it elicit in me, and how do those emotions feel?

Now, I can cross-reference an emotional outburst with those categories. I connect current incidents to past occurrences. I see patterns. My new perspective helps me work out the underlying issue, and remind myself that my present is different from my past.

How does this help with self-defense? Mastering this skill will help you diffuse just about any situation. Without the need to defend your identity because you are protecting against one of these emotions (all of which are fear based), you don’t find any need to fight. You’re not guarding your ego or trying to make up for what you think are mistakes. You are existing in the present and dealing with each moment as its own entity.

This means when you get cut off on the street and freak out because you’re terrified of getting into an accident, you’ll quickly realize you’ve inadvertently cut people off before and meant no harm or disrespect. It could have just been a mistake.

But even if it wasn’t, what good does it do you to yell, curse, and blast your horn? You’re only releasing stress hormones that can lead to high blood pressure, diabetes, or heart disease.

On the other hand, the worst thing that can happen is the person follows you and becomes a threat to your life. When you deal with road rage rationally, there is no incident. You’re able to appreciate that you didn’t get into an accident because your heart rate won’t be spiked and you won’t be dealing with jolts of cortisol and adrenaline.

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Staying Out of Trouble

Avoiding problems altogether relies on awareness. Most of us are distracted while we’re going from place to place. We aren’t keenly aware of our surroundings. The music in our ears or the rattling in our minds drowns out the noise of life happening around us. We keep our eyes forward, careful to avoid human-to-human contact.

It’s much better to scan the area. Like with widening your lens, you get a bigger picture of the scene.

A 360-degree view is best. Know what’s happening behind you as well as to the front and sides. You don’t have to look mechanical or weird when you scan. You can casually look around, as if you’re curious about life. And guess what? You should be.

Being aware keeps you from missing little gems, opportunities to enjoy your day just a little more. Besides making sure you know danger is coming before it reaches you, awareness helps you see the good stuff you might otherwise miss.

Awareness will help you pay attention more, including to the people you meet. You’ll come to understand archetypes, including personalities that tend to be volatile. You’ll know who you have to be especially careful with.

Just like with your emotions, you’ll be able to categorize personality types. You might be more at ease around one person than the other. You should listen to your intuition.

The Harsh Reality

When it comes to getting physical to defend yourself, a lot of it has to do with mindset, action under pressure, and self-imposed limits. You can have all the martial arts training in the world, but if you’re uncomfortable with hurting someone’s feelings, you will have a hard time defending yourself. Some people won’t stick up for themselves verbally, let alone throw a punch.

Real self-defense can involve much more brutal tactics than punching. Eye gouges, groin kicks, head butts, and biting are just a few of the dirty moves that should be added to mixed martial arts (MMA) training to create the most effective hand-to-hand street fighting system for self-defense.

You have to permit yourself to fight, and fight dirty. Use whatever is available to you, whether it be a limb or an improvised weapon; you must do whatever it takes when your life or the life of a loved one is in danger. You must flip a switch and become a killer.

Most people can’t do this unless they are pushed beyond their limit. If enough is at stake, many will fight to the end.

Hopefully, you never get to that point. Awareness and de-escalation can win the fight before it happens. But in the unfortunate event that you have to get physical, allow yourself to become as primal as possible. Be rational until it’s time to use violence. Unfortunately, sometimes it is the answer.

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