searching for my gone self

so what happens Inside my mind, will be jolted here without any hindrance.

Learning: Live life your way 🌱. The human mind will make mistakes — and often repeat them 🔄. So walk your path freely, but never cause harm to another being ❤️.

What is antakarn and how poerful it can go ?

There are many unaswered questions to this world, and one of them : your own antakaran.

There are a few questions that must be understood before judging me:

1. Who is an enlightened being?
2. Who is a Guru?
3. What is the true work of a Guru?
4. How does a Guru guide?
5. Where can a Guru go wrong?

I live with an ongoing conflict between myself and my antahkarana — the inner faculty of mind and consciousness. My uninvited Guru, Anandmurti Gurumaa, without my permission, took hold of this inner space.

Most people take their antahkarana for granted. For me, it is the only place that truly belongs to a human being. Everything else is external and secondary. One must always be mindful of what enters and exits through speech, where the body is taken, and how the antahkarana is shaped. In simple words: it is about taking control of your life energies yourself.

Yet my antahkarana was seized without consent. This inner faculty is a gift from the Almighty to each human being at birth. No one — not even a Guru — has the right to take it over. It is yours alone, a sacred space for decisions between you and the Supreme. If another human intrudes and begins to dictate within that space, consequences follow.

My struggle is with this intrusion.

• She never asked for permission.
• She manipulated my energy, lowering my vitality.
• I feel less than human, alive only by some other force.
• She spent less than six months with me, never spoke directly, and insisted on guiding only through the antahkarana.

And the irony? I did nothing wrong — only danced, freely, innocently.

This issue is not limited to one Guru — it reflects a mindset found in almost 99% of people in India. There is a deep-rooted tendency toward micromanagement, even extending into the most private space of a person’s antahkarana (inner consciousness). When others gain access to that sacred space, it can lead to destructive outcomes, sometimes even as extreme as honor killings.

In my case, the problem was not with parents or society, but with my own Gurus. They assumed the power to alter my antahkarana — and did so permanently. That act reveals both their arrogance and my own naïveté in trusting them during my early childhood.

Even if their intentions were correct, they held no authority over me — over who I am as a human being, a soul gifted by the Almighty. They are also part of this whole being ,I’m also.

Learning

Live life your way 🌱. The human mind will make mistakes — and often repeat them 🔄. So walk your path freely, but never cause harm to another being ❤️.