Life Lessons

If I Were Young Right Now, I Would Be A 304

Woman chooses joy, adventure, and whoever texts back first

Image source: adobestock.com / Author’s subscription

I have young adult grandchildren, nieces, and nephews who are single and learning how to live their best lives. I mentioned to my husband that if I were out there in the dating world now, single, with my own money, struggling to keep up with inflation, my panties would be boiling hot.

Why? Self-care is sorely needed when World War 3 looms as a reminder that life is unsure. We all know who has access to the nuclear codes, and if you are not worried, you are not paying attention.

All around us, people are making bad choices every day. Inflation is rampant; there is a possible forever war, people are enjoying others being hurt, and you can trust almost no one.

The country we love is shutting down every safety net that existed to help the working poor. It feels like we are trying to delete poor people, homeless people, disabled people, minority people, and elderly people with the decisions being made in Washington, DC.

At the exact same time, there is birth control of every sort, flavored condoms, and morning-after pills for those with the means. Millions of smart women will continue to be “under-babied” for as long as they like.

Life Is Short, Create A Lover’s Loyalty Program

In my day, we went to the club, met someone, went home with them, but did not always have penetrative sex. Sometimes they actually wanted to show you their art, make you a delicious drink, and/or make out a little bit.

We even invented a phrase for leaving someone’s home in the same club clothes you had on the night before. It was the “walk of shame”.

Everyone who saw you getting coffee at 7 am in a sequined top, black miniskirt, and thigh-high boots knew the deal. Everyone either smiled at you or frowned at you as you walked by, but no one really cared. Shame is how others respond to you. If you don’t care what anyone else thinks about you, there is no embarrassment or shame. I didn’t care.

Then came AIDS, and free sex left the building. If you could catch a disease that would kill you, careful was the name of the game. But then science stepped in and figured out how to contain that disease.

It is like that today. Tinder, Grinder, and Bumble are the pathways to action and are always a click and a quick swipe away.

Living Like There’s No Tomorrow Because There Might Not Be

The idea of hookups without any intention to see the person again has always been with us. Now it is digital. You don’t need to leave your home to find some strange.

If I were a single woman, childless, doing the best I could, working hard every day to be a decent person, taking the inflationary blows to my budget, and trying to help my family and friends advance, I would reward myself with the pleasures of the flesh. There would be not nookie for everyone, but there would be a lot of pussy on tap.

I would be out there, working the dating apps like a full-time job. Who knows what will come next in this reality? Earth 2 is a trip. I cannot wait to be reborn on Earth 3.

Life Has No Guarantees, But She Won’t Die Bored

I already know that when I get to heaven, my good deeds will far outweigh my bad ones. I believe having delicious sex is one component of making others happy. There is nothing like the pleasure of pleasing others. You don’t need a ten-year relationship to enjoy another person’s body physically.

You need to take care of your body; always let someone know where you are going and let the person you are meeting know that you told “your people” where you were going and who you were meeting.

We Can’t Control The Economy, But We Control Our Bodies

Get your birth control together, see your gynecologist regularly, and do what needs to be done.

Good luck from the old lady clapping for you as you make the walk of shame home. Do it until you’re satisfied. Remember the last line of dialogue in the 1939 film “Gone with the Wind” is “After all, tomorrow is another day!”

But the second-to-last line is spoken by Rhett Butler, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,” which is even better. And so, it goes.

Good luck. Be careful out there — and have fun — lots and lots of fun.

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Image by Toni Crowe ©All Rights Reserved

Image by Toni Crowe ©All Rights Reserved