Why Are We Still Teaching Young Women to Submit to Men?

A closer look at the scriptures, traditions, and power structures shaping modern Christian womanhood

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I recently came across a Facebook post from a young Christian woman defending male headship.

What struck me was not that a pastor had written it. Or that a middle-aged theologian had written it.

It was that a young woman had written it.

Not only written it, but embraced it.

She argued that God created men and women as equals but assigned women a role that involves submission to male leadership in the home, the church, and marriage.

Reading her post took me back twenty years.

Because I used to believe much of the same thing.

To be honest, I’m astonished that there are still young women who believe God would assign equal intrinsic value to both genders yet endorse a system where one gender is seemingly required to be led, decided for, directed by, and subject to the other.

Her pastors — all men, of course — have done a marvelous job of indoctrinating her to the point of surrendering herself to the supposedly benevolent male leadership of the church and her future husband.

I just hope he is a good man — for her sake — and not the kind of man who would exploit her willingness to voluntarily place herself in the most vulnerable position in their relationship, which is one between two unequal parties.

Now to the young woman’s Facebook post.

Forgive me for the long quote, but I need to include the full post here for context. Then, I’ve got a few things I’d like to say about this. Here is the young woman’s take on Biblical womanhood:

“Biblical womanhood is an interesting topic isn’t it? Even in most churches today, egalitarianism is pushed on young women when there’s no true grounding in scripture and does not honour God’s design of Man and Woman. They make the Bible fit in with their lives, rather than making their lives fit in with the Bible.

If you had asked me a year ago, what my views were, I would have responded with “women are able to do whatever the men are able to do”, even when I knew that was not biblical. God has grown me so much since then, in my knowledge of the word and in aligning my convictions with what is truth. While I was doing a lot of justifying to convince myself it’s right, God was refining me and teaching me what truly honours Him and that’s where the idea of biblical womanhood comes in.

In God’s word, Men and Women are equal yet have different roles. The idea of women having different roles is considered to be negative (even in churches nowadays), yet it should be seen as an honourable and beautiful act of God’s design.

What does the Bible say?

1 Corinthians 11:3 — But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

Ephesians 5:22 — Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

The way we submit to our husbands, demonstrates the way we submit to the Lord. We show our love for Christ, by being obedient to Him.

Genesis 2:18 — Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.

‘Helper’ entails the man’s inadequacy if alone, not the woman’s inferiority (even as people wrongly suggest that). What man lacks, woman supplies.

It is a beautiful thing to be a part of a relationship that points towards harmony, intimacy in marriage, and ultimately the demonstration of how Christ loves His church.

Now, obviously I’m not married yet, and for those that are still single, and yet to be married, there are many practical ways that we can prepare. We need to allow Christ to work in our hearts, so that we may deny our fleshly desires that only lead to sin…as we are called to do.

Women of God, your hearts are deceitful.

Genesis 3:16 — …your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.

Sin reaps consequences, when sin entered the world, our desire to be led resulted in our desire to lead. Once sin entered the world, the order that was good (Christ, man, woman) was flipped (woman, man, Christ) to not be good. The closer we draw to Christ, the more He refines us and brings us closer to biblical harmony and unity.

Do you want to be someone who lives by what God says or someone who follows the rest of the world in their sin?”

Photo by Thomas Vitali on Unsplash

A Solid Indoctrination

I firmly believe that women aren’t born with an innate desire to be led by men. When I ask my little daughter what she wants to do when she grows up, she doesn’t say, “I just want to submit my life to my husband in humble service as to the Lord.”

No.

She says, “I want to be a lawyer.”

Good for her.

But in some churches, women are taught to be submissive to men through the kind of teaching that this young woman has swallowed. And who stands to gain the most from perpetuating this worldview? It isn’t women, is it?

She’s been thoroughly indoctrinated with a kind of thinking that doesn’t come naturally and requires all kinds of effort and justification to maintain. Let me explain a few of my objections to this young woman’s Facebook post.

No grounding in scripture? Really?

This young woman argues that there is no Biblical basis for female leadership. I don’t know which Bible she is reading.

From beginning to end, the Bible positions women as leaders in ways that were culturally groundbreaking at the time in which it was written. Women direct armies, defeat prominent enemies, save communities from genocide, give birth to God, fund Jesus’ ministry, sit at his feet as disciples, and are the first witnesses and preachers of the resurrection. They are church founders and leaders, prophets, and apostles. Women are co-laborers with God and men and image-bearers of God who are meant to participate in God’s work in the church and the world.

Surely, if male headship were fundamental to the Christian faith, Jesus would have said something about it. But he never said a word about women submitting to men. Jesus never preached a message like this, but his life had something to say about the role of women.

Jesus included many women in his inner circle — a ground-breaking and counter-cultural advancement in its day. Women were the first witnesses and preachers of the resurrection. Surely, that’s the kind of responsibility God would choose to entrust to men?

But no.

What is more, the early church was full of faithful and influential female leaders — women like Phoebe, Chloe, Junia, Lydia, Eudia, Syntyche, Susanna, and Priscilla. They are church founders and leaders, prophets, and apostles.

Men in patriarchal churches ignore these facts or explain them away. Independent, assertive, free-thinking women are a bit of a threat, aren’t they? Best to leave the thinking to the men.

After all, the church has done so well with men at the helm.

Marriage is the goal.

This young woman says, “I’m not married yet, and for those that are still single and yet to be married, there are many practical ways that we can prepare.”

I want you to notice the implication of this statement. The word “yet” indicates that marriage is not only inevitable but it is also the goal. She is basically saying, “Ladies, we have to prepare our hearts for the day we get married so we can willingly submit to our husbands.”

“The way we submit to our husbands demonstrates how we submit to the Lord. We show our love for Christ by being obedient to Him,” She says.

So, how do you show your love for Christ if you’re not married? What if you’re a young woman who doesn’t want to get married? Is that allowed? This brings me to my next point…

Too bad for singles

“Genesis 2:18 — Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.

‘Helper’ entails the man’s inadequacy if alone, not the woman’s inferiority (even as people wrongly suggest that). What man lacks woman supplies.”

Think about this for a moment.

According to this young woman, what man lacks, women supply. Presumably, this applies reciprocally: What a woman lacks, man supplies.

Does that mean that a single person is living a life that is less than fully realized? Are they some kind of incomplete “half-person?”

I happen to believe that if you’re incomplete as a single person, you’ll be incomplete in marriage and probably damage your spouse because of your own sense of incompleteness. Marriage doesn’t solve our “inadequacy” issues.

The myth of equal but different

Leaders of patriarchal churches, like the one this young woman attends, love this slogan: equal but different. On the surface, it sounds reasonable enough. However, in practice, it results in anything but equality.

Let me tell you what “equal but different” looked like in my church when I used to go. It looked like men making all the decisions, and women making coffee in the kitchen. It looked like men deciding on behalf of everyone what the church should do and the direction it should head, and women deciding on the floral arrangements and what cake to bake this week. It looked like men looking after the church’s finances and women looking after the church’s children.

There is nothing equal about it.

It creates a context for the objectification, devaluing, and even abuse of women. Since abuse is motivated by power and control, and patriarchy is a system based on power and control, it is not surprising that abuse is far too common in these circles.

Christianity vs. “Paulianity”

What fascinates me is that almost every argument for male headship depends heavily on Paul.

Not Jesus.

Paul.

Now, before anyone starts sharpening their theological knives, let me be clear. I am not suggesting that Paul’s writings are unimportant. They make up a significant portion of the New Testament and contain profound wisdom that has shaped Christianity for two thousand years.

The question is not whether Paul matters. The question is how Paul should be interpreted in light of Jesus.

When I read the Gospels, I see a man who consistently elevated women in a culture that often marginalized them. Jesus welcomed women as disciples. He taught them. He travelled with them. He received financial support from them. He entrusted them with significant responsibilities. Most remarkably, women became the first witnesses and proclaimers of the resurrection.

If male headship were a foundational Christian doctrine, you would expect Jesus to say something about it.

But he doesn’t.

He never commands women to submit to male leadership. He never establishes a hierarchy of authority between men and women. He never excludes women from positions of influence or responsibility.

That doesn’t automatically settle the debate, but it should at least make us pause. Because when Christians argue for male headship, they are almost always building their case from a handful of passages in Paul’s letters rather than from the life and teachings of Jesus himself.

For me, that matters.

Because Christianity is ultimately about following Christ.

If there appears to be tension between the example of Jesus and our interpretation of Paul, then perhaps the answer is not to explain away Jesus. Perhaps it is to revisit our interpretation of Paul.

After all, Christians are called followers of Christ, not followers of Paul.

Ladies, we caused the fall.

“When sin entered the world, our desire to be led resulted in our desire to lead. Once sin entered the world, the order that was good (Christ, man, woman) was flipped (woman, man, Christ) to not be good.”

There is a more than subtle suggestion here that the fall of humanity in the Genesis story is all the fault of the woman — Eve. Her desire to lead, her desire to take control, and try to be like God. If only she had submitted herself to Adam, then Satan wouldn’t have won the day. This is what happens when women try to take control. Can’t you see?

Of course, the fact that Adam was right there and stood by like a hopeless, brainless mute and allowed it all to happen is unhelpful for the patriarchal narrative.

What troubles me about this interpretation is that it turns the Genesis story into a cautionary tale about female ambition.

Yet that is not what I see in the broader sweep of Scripture.

Nor is it what I see in the women who have shaped my own life.

A matter of interpretation

The young woman finishes with an impassioned plea: “Do you want to be someone who lives by what God says or someone who follows the rest of the world in their sin?”

But let’s unpack what she is really saying. When she asks, “Do you want to be someone who lives by what God says,” she really means, “What the Bible says.”

Because to some Christians, the Bible is the very word of God.

But let’s unpack it a bit more. Not only does she really mean, “Do you want to be someone who lives by what the Bible says,” she is actually saying, “Do you want to be someone who lives by what my male pastor interprets the Bible to say?”

Because what the Bible says IS a matter of interpretation. And the fact that we have thousands of different Christian denominations is a testament to the fact that the Bible is anything but clear.

I wish this young lady would recognize that this “understanding” that she has come to about the role of women in the church is not her own view but the view that was preached at her by men.

The Last Word

Hey, as a father, I would be upset if my daughters came to believe that their lives and their faith must be dictated by men.

So, I look at this young woman through a father’s eyes.

I want to say to her, “Daughter, you don’t need a man to make you complete, and a man doesn’t need you to make him complete. You don’t need a man to tell you how to live. You can live a fully realized life of faith on your own because we have just one mediator. It’s not your pastor, your husband, or your father.

It’s Christ.”

Dan Foster is the author of “The Bible is Your Story: What the characters of Scripture reveal about the patterns shaping your life.”

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