A choice that i made but that made me question my ability to make choices

• A choice that i made but that made me question my ability to make choices

Draft 1:

I don’t know much about making decisions because almost all my life, I lived under my parents’ decisions. I have always wanted to make my own decision but I was regarded” too young to make decisions.” In my country, if I tried to make my own choice at my age, I would be considered rebelling against my parents. But it was far from the reality; I just wanted to feel responsible.

The first time making a choice, I cannot say that I made the decision on my own. So I did not consider this as making my own decision. Many times we make choices under pressure. It is not that we are urged to make the choice but because we have been shown the consequences of not making the decision. With this we do so and believe that we have made our own decisions. It was like for me almost every time and I would tell myself” you made a great decision”, knowing I am lying to myself.

My family mostly considered me as a rebellious kid, who wouldn’t make the right choice. I wasn’t rebellious as they considered; let me put it this way. I just wanted to be heard and make my own choice that, even when it fails, I won’t blame others. But this was considered being rebellious, though it didn’t stop me from making my choice, but again with their consultation.

I would say that so far, the only time that I made my very own choice, not because someone showed its best side or worst side, was the time when I received this call. I was called by the police department, requesting me to join their academy and become a member of the police. At first it felt good and their offer was very good because they offered me a scholarship and I would be even paid. And many people gave me their views, but this was mine to choose .

I was afraid to make the decision because I knew that each decision I would make would impact my future. I wasn’t ready to get a life commitment by joining the police because I knew that deep down, I never had that calling. But on the other hand, I would ask myself” what if this was my only lifetime chance to impact my life and if i don’t take it my life will be ruined?” I got a lot of feedback from my family members urging me to join, but I took time to think about it and chose not to join. This offer was not about them, but about my future, and the future of those who’ll be part of my life.

Shortly after making the choice, a place where I had applied to send the feedback and I was not accepted. I started questioning my ability to make choices, thinking that the reason why I was refused is that I never made the right decision. But then a friend of mine, chatted with me and told me not to give up, because after all, this was my first failure. My friends got more than ten rejection letters, but never gave up. Hearing this, I was convinced to stay positive and never to judge my ability to make choices, because the best choice is choosing to follow your dreams. Though I haven’t found what I am looking for yet, I now know that my choice was one of the greatest I will never regret.