As I Get Older, the More I Want to Tell People to Fuck Off

Don’t do any of these to make sure you aren’t one of them

Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash

I’m now well into my 60s. I saw the photo I sent off for my passport recently, and there’s no way I can hide the fact that I’m getting on in years.

But it doesn’t excuse the fact that I now find myself being treated differently by people in various ‘micro-aggressions’ which make me want to scream, ‘Fuck Off’ at them.

I was at the gym recently. It’s a class I’ve been attending for years, so we all know one another and our strengths and weaknesses. We were performing a series of exercises, one group after another and as I approached my next exercise, the deadlift, I noticed the person before me taking off ALL the weights he’d been using, so I’d be left with a nice light bar.

Er…fuck off. I’m quite capable of lifting that, and I don’t need you to look after me.

When it comes to lifting something like furniture in a house move or picking up a suitcase, there’s always the temptation to check in that we’re ok, because we’re getting on a bit, and to ask:

Are you ok with that?

The subtext is clear.

Because you’re getting on a bit, I need to make sure you aren’t going to drop it on your toes.

My answer?

You, my friend, can fuck right off.

There are times when I’m trying to put a suitcase into an overhead locker in an aeroplane and I’m now asked.

Can you manage?

Yes, I can! Let’s be clear: if I were a young man in my 20s or 30s, the question wouldn’t be asked out of fear of being insulting.

And my answer to you is

Can you fuck off? Yes? Well, why don’t you?

Everyone forgets things.

Names, directions, and phone numbers, because we all have a lot of things going on in our busy lives.

We are just as likely at 20 to forget something as we are at 60. So, why do we need to be asked if we’re having a senior moment if we forget something when we’re older?

It’s as if forgetting things is something reserved for the older generation.

Here’s how the conversation should go;

Are you having a senior moment?

No, are you capable of fucking the fuck off right this second?

I’m not a young man, so it grates on me massively when anyone calls me ‘young man’, especially in a professional setting. It’s fucking patronising.

I can only imagine that for women, being addressed as “love” or “sweetheart” must be equally irritating, as the terms are usually associated with people much younger.

I also object to being called ‘mate’ or ‘buddy’ by someone who isn’t either my mate or my buddy, and don’t get me started on the horrible habit that’s surfaced in the UK of calling everyone ‘lovely’.

Fuck that. And if you call me any of the above, you can fuck off.

There are literally thousands of things I don’t understand about technology. Nor do I want to understand them. I’ve reached a stage where I don’t see the need for me to learn anything more, except on a need-to-know basis.

So, why is it assumed that I don’t know anything about tech, and then I’m patiently asked, “Do you want me to explain?’

No, do you want to fuck off?

If I want you to explain, I’ll ask you to explain.

My interest in music pretty much stopped in the 1980s and 90s, but occasionally I’ll hear something on the radio and like the sound of it.

So, why is it assumed that we know nothing about the musical tastes of the younger generation, and if we mention a group name, we are met with a rather incredulous:

Oh, you’ve heard of them?

Yes, fuck off, I’m just old, not dead.

I like to look smart and take pride in what I wear, but I do take exception to the assumption that because I’m now “of a certain age,” I can’t buy clothes from certain shops or that my shopping trips are now consigned to those shops our parents used to enjoy.

So please don’t ask if I still shop at XXXX because I may just tell you to fuck off.

It’s a sad fact of life that as we get older, we’ll all suffer these microaggressions at some point. And whilst they aren’t as harmful as someone being blatantly ageist, and ironically, for the most part, they probably won’t even be aware they’re doing it, they’ll still happen.

Do we point them out to transgressors? In the hope that they’ll be shocked and think twice about their choice of phrasing?

Or do we just grin and bear it and carry on, realising that no real harm was intended?

Or do we give them a big loud

FUCK OFF!!!

So they know exactly where they stand?

At AFP, we love voices that challenge, entertain, and shout the word ‘Fuck!’. Doctor Funny does all three, check this one out by SC Thompson:

[embed]10 Random Questions Everyone Should Contemplate The biggest one may be: Why, SC, just why??medium.com