After Brian Wilson Died

I finally listened

by Bonnie Ann Lieberman

Photo by Gabriel Gurrola on Unsplash

The Beach Boys were never my favorite rock and roll band.

During my teens and early twenties, I owned 300 record albums.

My favorite bands that started with ‘B’ were The Beatles and Bob Dylan — not The Beach Boys.

Recently, during the early summer of 2025, in my golden year of life,

I learned that Brian Wilson had died. His name was familiar, but not intimate.

And I remembered Carl and Dennis were his brothers.

But I couldn’t identify which brother was which — a blur of names and faces lost to time.

I couldn’t picture any of them — not Mike Love, not Al Jardine. Their images slipped through the cracks of memory.

I tuned into YouTube on my laptop.

and started watching their performances

and interviews over the years.

I learned that the brothers were tragic figures, carrying invisible wounds.

Brian and Dennis carried demons in their souls — restless, unrelenting.

unable to rid themselves of them.

They were reared in a dysfunctional home.

and were physically and emotionally abused by their dad,

who had been their manager for a while.

Nothing they did was good enough for him.

Brian fired him, deservedly so.

Brian and Dennis used drugs and alcohol.

To the point of their ruin — and the cause of Dennis’s death by drowning.

Their lyrics were provocative and profound, sung from the heart.

Dennis’ drumming was powerful.

And Brian, Al, and Carl‘s guitar strumming left me in awe.

Mike interacted with the audience as he sang, his voice engaging and alive.

I saw Brian go from a bright, naive, talented boy to a haunted man —

His innocence flickered and faded as the years passed.

composing and singing songs about surfing and girls

smiling every so often, in a way that made the audience melt, then vanish behind clouds of worry.

Until he became a troubled man, speaking and singing from the side of his mouth, as if carrying a sorrow no one else might know.

Each member of the Beach Boys gave their all to the music.

Whether I am doing chores, working out, or talking with friends

I often pause and turn on my laptop.

Go to YouTube and watch their videos.

I cannot swallow. My eyes well up. Sobs catch in my throat, the music flowing with loss.

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