Pure, Innocent Love

I miss the feeling of falling in love without having to think about anything at all.

As I grow older, I find it harder to just fall in love like that. Unlike before, there are so many things I’ve started to realize need to be figured out about before I can like someone.

I wanna feel my heart flutter just from holding hands for the first time. I wanna feel my heart throb just from feeling his heartbeat while we hug each other. I wanna feel my heart skip a beat from a simple text message appearing on my phone.

Turns out, the older I get, the harder it is for me to face that kind of love. I truky miss it. That magical feeling of falling in love.

Maybe the people around me know how easily I get close to men. Maybe they notice that the person I talk about keeps changing every time I tell them a story. But they’ll never know the truth. It’s been a such long time since the last my heart fluttered.

I love the dialogue from In the Clear Moonlight Dusk, when Ichi tells Yoi that he wants to touch her but also protect her. It feels like — innocent love, but isn’t that sincere? I mean, there’s no complicated translation; we just fall in love, plain and simple.

The more I write, the fuller my heart feels. Especially realizing that I’ve been loved that way before, deeply and innocently. It would be truly wonderful if someday I find that kind of love again.

Who would ever say no to falling in love through simple things?

Through touch. Through attention. Through the time you spare. Through clumsy words. Love — It never feels anything less than magical.

— Malang, 11 April 2026