Traveling While Toxic: An Unsurprising but Troubling Trend & My Message to Women with Volatile Partners

Choose Your Travel Companions Wisely & if Your Man is a Violent Macho Pendejo, Rethink That Trip With Him, Especially Across the Border

There is a recurring theme I’ve noticed in many of the “tourists behaving badly” incidents that circulate on los redes in Mexico. Specifically, those involving tourist/foreigner-initiated violence.

The theme? An angry, violent man unnecessarily incites conflict, his woman partner attempts in vain to calm him down, and the man dismisses her (often with whiffs of violence toward her, as well).

I don’t know for sure whether the woman here was with these two men, but given how she persisted in trying to stop their violence, I suspect so.

One such incident took place yesterday in Cozumel, and it’s one of several that I’ve observed over the years.

The ingredients:

• An aggressive, belligerent man or several (often, alcohol is involved).
• An accompanying woman, trying in vain to calm him down/de-escalate.
• The man ignoring her, or even assaulting her, in his pursuit of a macho display.
• Cameras everywhere, recording the whole thing.

I spent a bit of time reading through multiple accounts and watching videos from several angles of the brawl that occurred yesterday in Cozumel, which showed:

• Two evidently intoxicated men, who commenters opined were from Mexico City (not “extranjeros” — foreigners, but “fuerajeros” — people from far away) starting beef with everyone. Yes, just like in the US, you will hear people from one state talk smack about people from another state. And “chilangos” from Mexico City do not seem to have a great reputation here.
• A woman — presumably the partner of one of the tourists — trying to stop the aggressor from acting an entire fool.
• You can see from some of the videos that one tourist pushed or hit a police officer, randomly smacked an observer, and hit the person who was recording. He repeatedly swats the woman away, as well.
• At some point, local taxi drivers and employees at the restaurant kicked the two men tourists’ butts. Kicked one of them while he was unconscious on the floor — a low blow, of course.
• Arrests were made.

This was an extreme case — Cozumel is not known for this kind of violence. Also, the tourists here are Mexican, so they didn’t cross an international border to ruin their own vacations. Nevertheless, I suspect that the local city authorities will not be impressed.

The formula — a hyper-aggressive, unruly, violence-prone man visiting/settling somewhere and starting a fight — is common.

Also common is the sight of an accompanying woman, ineffectually trying to rein in the man who is busy ruining her vacation.

Here is one from a while back, involving gringos. You can tell by the stoic look on the woman’s face that she has been in this position before.

Let me set something straight right off the bat: I am NOT blaming any woman for the choices and behaviors of her mate (whatever their genders may be). I know more about abusive relationships than most — I worked in a domestic violence shelter and have an undergraduate degree in Women’s Studies. I conducted more than one research project about violence against women and the ways in which patriarchal institutions groom, teach, codify, and reinforce misogyny.

I also have been in an abusive relationship, once, and never again.

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What I AM saying to the women who are involved with men with hot heads and quick hands is this: be very thoughtful about traveling with men like this, especially into foreign countries.

Invited by a somewhat new, not-really-known romantic partner on an all-expense paid trip?

Begged by a violent ex to give it another go on an exotic beach somewhere?

Abusive husband proffering a “new start” abroad, away from all of your interfering friends and family?

You may be better off opting out, where safe and possible.

If not, you may find yourself as another example. An angry, chest thumping man insists on escalating conflict to physical violence. You — “his” woman — try to deescalate by holding him back, talking to him, begging, pleading, yelling, pulling, maybe even hitting. In vain.

Just like her, you didn’t plan for this. She doesn’t want the drama. She doesn’t want the foreign police locking up her travel partner. She doesn’t want to get kicked out of the establishment. She doesn’t want him to get hurt. What’s for sure?

He has ruined her vacation. He has put a target on her back by locals. He has sabotaged any clean slate they may have had when they arrived. He may have even undermined her legal immigration status.

I wrote recently about an incident that went viral in Cancun — the pregnant Cuban wife of the aggressor in that case has since been deported, thanks to the actions of her man.

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His ego and toxic masculine behavior has thrown a wrench in her plans, and no one is going to fish it out and give her a pass, even though she didn’t endorse, initiate, or defend his behavior.

To be clear, this isn’t limited to couples, or men, or any particular demographic. But this heterosexual, cis dynamic is the pattern I see.

It’s very important than when traveling internationally, you recognize a few things about your positionality and vulnerability if the person or people you are with decide to act toxic:

• You are a minority as a foreigner — your behavior reflects on, and may even be judged relative to, your origin. Even if you are the most peaceful, friendly person, that won’t be evident of you are paired up with an aggressor.
• You are in someone else’s “home.” Manners!
• You probably don’t know the intricacies of the legal system and consequences of bad behavior (it would be wise to find out).
• Causing problems drains local resources. The country hosting you has its own issues to deal with and doesn’t need you to add to the load. Your tourist tax doesn’t cover having loads of authorities called out to the scene of a brawl.
• You may be hurting the local economy. In the Cozumel case, the bar where this happened has been forcibly closed. There may be impacts to tourism more broadly. It’s not good for anyone.

If you’re reading me, you probably know better than to create violent drama on vacation in another country.

But does your man?

Ask yourself that question honestly, and if you have doubts, maybe just go to the Jersey Shore (if you choose to stay with him at all).

If you’re considering emigrating from the US with an intentional approach to your environmental, economic and cultural impacts, see our services, check out our client testimonials, or jump straight to booking a consultation or package.

© 2026 Silleck Consulting Services, LLC. All rights reserved. I do not use AI to write any of my articles, and I do not authorize AI or humans to scrape my writing for content. Intellectual property is property.

Originally published at https://theconscientiousemigrant.substack.com.