Screaming Poem

Raw

AI — personal

Trying, trying, trying, trying

Trying and failing, trying and failing, trying and failing

Till when will this go on?!

I need to MOVE! I want to move

Huh? What’s that? Where am at?

I am in a very deep dark pit, climbing up the walls These slippery walls These perky stones, They all are supporting and destroying me

And this inner voice in my head This never leaves me alone Always trying to mimic them

The ones who pushed me down here The ones who live down there

They sent their shadows up the cliff Where I was having a cup of tea Where I was bathing in the river I was dancing in the field

The field was so colorful It was filled with butterflies And dragon flies…

I used to sing and dance with them I used to run around with them I had a tree who talked to me I had a world filled with divine

But you see, one day… I saw a boy… Who said is like me Who said he likes me Who showed me more wonders beyond the cliff I said that the dark color of down there is my color This is how you look…

He said that the tree is a liar That the tree sucks my soul And there are more people like me Off the cliff…

He showed me his friends He showed me my family They all showed me love Until I did something unpleasant

They said it is tough love They said I will rot if they don’t give me tough love So I started giving me that tough love In their voice If they were not at home I would beat me to the pulp I would crave the abuse I would crave the crying

I thought I was going insane Everyone here is calling me weird But out there.. I listen some voice

Which sing to themselves Who sing to each other, And to me

They say it is ok to be you It is ok to not be fake It is ok and better to not be a liar To love yourself

They showed me the proof But all the people here say it is all fake out there That the people there are crazy They are the one disguised

But all I see is hope up there But all I see is you’re the one disguised

So I am trying to go up again I am trying to go up again

But I can’t breathe now I can’t pretend I am at home, when I am not… My brain hurts to go up My body burns when I try to go up

I slip down I bleed, again and again

But I have bled a lot, staying with the people who call them mine The people who find glory in being fake Who find bleeding as something that I should give them Who find abuse an amuse

Now I am all alone Trying to climb the walls Trying to catch my breathe Trying to feel alive Trying to not fall down

And if I do Trying to not give up But then I do

How may I help… How may I go…. How may I leave this unpleasant hole…

I wish I had a friend Who would come along with me Who would see what I see Who would be there for me

But Alas! That friend is only me That friend is only me

I hope the world above doesn’t stinks like this Doesn’t hurts like this It doesn’t makes you bleed, just because you exist…

I hope it welcomes me I hope I get a friend I hope someone helps me out Help me out for free…

I hope someone saw me Not from down there But from up there I don’t know how far I’ve come I don’t know how much to go I don’t know how many times, I have felt…

Oh my friend up there Could you carry me on your back Could you hug one for just once? I feel so alone…

Is it really all so fake? Then what is considered as truth? I feel so hopeless…

Do you know me? Will I be seen up there? Will I have to bleed there too?

I have heard many climbed up there From the pit of misery This is what they call it up there

But down there? They call it wonderland They say it is all beautiful When I see nothing amazes me It is all textual saying It is a clear fake world I wonder why they call it a wonder land

I learnt that this it power of projection. They say people up there are fake, blind, and too into maya

But all I see is them creating the maya

People who left are cursed they say But people who left, they say it is freedom from the curse

What do i believe in? I know what I am believing But I am too afraid All I feel is fake

They said I was too much They said I was not enough They say I am crazy They say I am the saint Are they confused? Are they blind? I am none I am the one

Why this world is so contradictory? Can you not hear me?

Do you not believe me? Will I be alone all along? Will I have no real friends? Will I never be the one? Will I never feel that free? Will I never see the peace? Will I never have that … 😴😪💤