Pain is inevitable. Misery’s a choice.

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” — Haruki Murakami.

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.” — Fiódor Dostoiévski.

“Pain is neither unbearable nor unending, as long as you keep in mind its limits and don’t magnify them in your imagination.” — Marcus Aurelius.

So many quotes but all of them give me the same feeling, coaching me through the same idea that i struggled to accept for so long: “let it hurt, then, let it heal”. I think that it’s so hard to come to terms with and embrace our pain as simply a thing that happens to us and not what makes us specially when it’s something that crushes your spirit under its weight everyday.

When i was younger i thought that my pain and its resulting suffering was the end-all be-all of cause and effect, newton’s third law, for an immense amount of pain there had to be an equal amount of suffering. However, what i failed to realize at the time, was that: the pain might be endless, but so is the joy.

I went around for the longest time thinking that my pain isolated me when in reality it freed me, my pain is my bridge to every other emotion, for without pain i do not know joy, my pain is my bridge to connection, because you can’t miss someone without there being pain, my pain is my bridge to community because you cannot know love and effort without a bit of pain, my pain is my bridge to creativity because it turns into experiences that i can translate into art.

Truth is, the pain really is endless and it takes every bit of me to not turn it into suffering when i’m stuck in my head, but then, i’ll listen to a song i like, i’ll read a book from an author i love, i’ll go outside and pet a dog, smile at a stranger and make small talk, someone will let me get on the bus before they do, i’ll make soup and enjoy the bubbling sound of it on the stove, a small child will wave at me on the street, i’ll share a meal with my friends, and i realize that maybe the amount of good things in your life does not depend on how lucky or pain-free you are but in your ability to notice them.

Anthony Bourdain once said “[…] But i’ve also seen strangers become family, pain turned into poetry and broken hearts learn how to beat again.” and i figure that’s what living is really for: [to learn and unlearn, to relearn and unlearn and learn again. To unpack and develop and understand the value in struggle. To hold grief the way it deserves to be held for as long as that takes. To learn that there is no judgment where there is love](http://to learn and unlearn, to relearn and unlearn and learn again. To unpack and develop and understand the value in struggle. To hold grief the way it deserves to be held for as long as that takes. To learn that there is no judgment where there is love.). To understand that i am meant to connect with bigger things so i don’t make the ill mistake of believing i am the big thing.

a.c. 2026