Hard To Face Reality

If I were to ask you to join me in doing something, I’d assume that implies that I want you ro join me in that said something. And maybe that’s my fault for assuming. But if I didn’t want you involved, even a bit, would I really ask if you wanted to join? Especially if I’m okay with doing it myself. Right?

And then let’s say you agree. Part of me would think you are joining just for the heck of it. Another part of me would think you want to join. Right? Or is that crazy?

So then as we are doing the thing, you seem bored. I tell you I’m sorry for “dragging” you with. Because in the moment that is how you make me feel. You make me feel like I pulled your arm. Forced you to join. But I didn’t. Right?

I asked. “Hey do you wanna come with?”. Right? Is that not how you understood it? Did you think I said “Hey you are coming with!”. Is that how it felt? Then I feel like you should have stated “No”.

So why would you come with? Why join me if all you are going to do is complain?

I wanted to go, to enjoy myself. To get out of the house. Not to feel bad because you are bored, grumpy, and just over it. You didn’t have to come. I would have been fine without you. I told you that.

You always make it seem, when I wanna do something TOGETHER, that it is a chore. Is it such a difficult time to spend time with me? Am I a chore? I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a chore. A task to complete. A job.

I’m sorry that you think of me like that too. Maybe not me, but us. Us spending time together like most people do. I wish you could even pretend that you are enjoying it, or be honest and tell me that you don’t want to go.

Don’t make it my fault that you came with. Don’t do it for me. I told you I would have been fine by myself. But now I feel worse than I was before I left.

I’m sorry to you. And I’m sorry to myself. Maybe I should have just left.

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash