Metamorphosis 49/58: Book I ‘The Story of Grandfather Moses’ — Chapter VI

or We Are The Weak Nuclear Force: Quantum Parables From Our Mitochondrial Ancestors

A cry to shake the depths of the earth

Amen in the pangs of giving birth

Surrounded by womenfolk

King, Goliath and I shudder with each scream / Out of the way of the women

The giving of birth a terrible and beautiful miracle

There is silence between us

King to be a grandfather

Goliath and I sure the child is one of ours but not whose

Amen a beautiful flower and in pain

Death or life on our fingertips and in the air and the world is a mist and a confusion

Seeds grow towards the sky / Seeds stepped on never grow

King tells the story of the first time he made love

He was young and a boy and it was in the world that was closer to Eden even though Eden was still faded

There was a day where a girl just chose him, grabbed him by the hand and the cock and led him away

He didn’t say a word / Just lied on her and came so quickly and she just smiled and touched his lips with her finger and kissed him softly and walked off

They must have left the tribe for only five minutes

Goliath tells the story of his first time with a woman

He was in the full-moon and high on the fire

And he was by himself and alone in his mind

And a girl he refuses to name comes and talks to him

He had told many he’d already been with women / But it had not been the case

The girl was just talking to him

And he was scared, scared

And he wanted to lean forward and to touch her and to feel skin touch skin

But he could not

And he was trying to listen but none of her words came through his ears

And then she just said to Goliath “If you want to fuck me, you can fuck me / Just don’t cum inside me, I don’t want to have a baby right now”

And Goliath took off his clothes and penetrated her and came right away

And she was angry and would not talk to him for some time

But it was not Amen, it was not this baby

I suppose I am supposed to tell the story of my first time being with a woman

King is rocking back and forth, scared for Amen

I am scared for Amen

Goliath is scared for Amen

There is nothing in the air but fear

Soft Amen

The world takes

Screams in the air

The desire to move farther

As an ostrich, stick our head in the groud and hide from our terror

But we are going to listen, we are not going to move

We act as kings and leaders and men

But we were but bawling babes, brought from the womb of our mothers,

And many died,

Mother and sister,

Mother and brother,

All the worlds that could have been,

All the worlds they could have dreamed of and built

We must not hide from the death of those who might have been us

The fact we survived is the outlier

Life such a surprise

When death and emptiness such the norm of the universe

In most realities I am not here

“I am not sure the time I was first with a woman”

“I thought I’d been with a woman the first time we kissed in the night and she touched my arm and we never touched more than that”

“I was worried I had done something wrong / And perhaps a baby would grow from her mouth”

“The first real time was after that, when I thought we were together and she was mine and I was hers”

“And she told me that she’d wanted me to fuck her and I hadn’t and it hurt her, because she’d wanted to have been fucked and I had just lain there”

“And I had thought my restraint had pleased her”

“And then I was scared of her, that I could not please her, that she did not like me”

“And I was unsure of what to do and I hid from her”

“And I told people we’d fucked / But we hadn’t”

“And I’d told people we were together / But we weren’t”

“And she would treat me like normal and I would look at my feet in shame”

“Then, later, I was drunk on the full moon”

“There was dancing in every direction and I was having none of it”

“Staying away, with the old ones / And they would ask me ‘Why am I not with the young ones?’ and I would just stumble”

“And I could tell they understood and understood better than I”

“And then I just got up, bravery in my blood for a moment I did not let pass”

“As if walking off a cliff into the river: I told my feet to walk”

“And I told my brain not to think”

“And I went and there she was dancing and free and there was a group and they were all merry”

“And I walked up and I took her hand and did not say a word and I took her to the bushes”

“And I sang to her and it was terrible”

“And I fucked her and I came so fast and she rolled her eyes”

“But we lay next to each other and in the morning we fucked again”

“And she told me ‘slower’ and I went slower”

“And I could hear gasps in her throat”

“And then we kept fucking and I came hard”

“And was it Amen?”

“No it was not Amen”

I remember the time lightning striked so close that there was a fire in my beard

I am scared of the night and if there is no fire I will not sleep

I remember my mother carrying me on her back in the middle of the march, singing songs / My only memory of my mother

I am scared of being an old man and dying and every day I grow weaker

What if I do not accomplish those things I feel I have the potential in my destiny?

I am unsure if I am worthy of love

Sometimes I act without thought

I often feel that I am incapable of being loved

I often feel that I am incapable of giving love

There is a woman’s moan and then a cry in the bush

A human cry, a baby cry

We all stay in silence and hold our silence and somehow we are all touching each other, shoulder to shoulder, we look in each other’s eyes

A father and a grandfather stand in this group for the first time / We hold each other and give each other support

Today, There is not death, There is new life