Why Vulnerability is a Strength

I’ve just gotten back from school. The day was okay, nothing great, nothing terrible, but I just wasn’t feeling that great about myself. I went to eat dinner, and my mum asked how my day was. At this point, I’d always say good, like most people do when asked that question. It’s more of a formality than an actual question, so people expect the answer of ‘I’m good’ or ‘I’m fine’. So I decided to actually say this time that I wasn’t feeling great.

I don’t usually do this, so it sparked a whole load of thoughts from the people around me that something was awfully wrong. Problem was, it was so small that I didn’t really want to talk about the contents of the problem, just that I wasn’t feeling good. They were so worried that they tried to lock me in the room until I told them what was wrong. Talk about trying hard.

I solved the problem on my own. It really just was something tiny in my head that journalling had solved.

But I knew that it wasn’t the best way to go about things.

Sure, I still do this sometimes. I do value my autonomy and like to solve and do things alone. I prefer it that way. But when you are trying to build relationships with people, does it help? Probably not.

This is not to say don’t be independent. You still need to develop by yourself to bring your best self to the relationship, but you can’t do it all alone, despite how seductive that might feel.

Every fibre of being in my body didn’t want to say anything. Yet that’s why it’s worth doing. I wanted to keep it together, look strong, be stoic. You might feel good in the short term doing it( at least I did) , but sweeping things under the rug doesn’t make it go away.

Vulnerability is saying your truth especially when it’s scary. You don’t know how the other person will react. It could end badly. Very often, what stops people from being vulnerable is exactly that, they tried to tell someone how they felt once and got completely rejected for it. It sucks. We learn to just keep it inside and solve things ourself.

Now that’s not necessarily bad. It’s better to do that than constantly complain about your problems and not do anything about them.

But it’s one of those pieces of advice where the people who probably need to hear more of it won’t listen, and those that already talk too much will take it as reinforcement to keep going and nothing will get done.

I’ve come to( slowly) realise that it can be valuable to show vulnerability. It brings people closer together and allows for greater support. Sometimes you won’t get that support and people may react negatively, but that’s a reflection of them, not you.

There is a time for it though, and it can’t be done at all times. If you are trying to support someone, make sure the time and the situation makes it possible. It’s also about understanding that not everyone will want to open up and say the things that are troubling them.

With some people, you’ve just got to let them do their thing and live. They might just want to come to you afterwards.

The question is though, would you rather be lost in a forest alone, or with someone you trust?

It takes real strength to do it while you’re in the thick of it. And still choose to push forward with life.

It’s hard for a lot of people. You can’t predict how people will react, or how you’ll feel afterwards. But it makes a difference. A massive one.