Let’s Watch: Rampage (1997)

All Son of a Bitches Go To Heaven

*Every week, the While Rome Burns crew gathers ‘round to watch a film of questionable content and give their two cents as it unfolds. This is a collection of the best pennies from those sessions for you.*

“Her pulse reads…1:10PM. A little high, but she’ll be fine.”

The Film We Watched:

“How’s your heart doing? Let’s see. You’re looking good.”

It’s Henry’s second film for 2026. Prior to Honorable Men in 2004, Garrett Stewart Sayre appeared in another cop film where he’s paired up with a woman half his age. Rampage is that movie, written and directed by Garrett’s brother, Steve.

What They Say This Movie Is About:

A DEA agent’s brother is killed in revenge for a drug lord’s death. Sergeant Jim Stone hunts the killers as they terrorize Washington D.C.

What This Movie Is Actually About:

A boomer fever dream fantasy of guns, drug lords, explosions, and hot women. And the day is saved by two average looking guys with a tan and early onset male-pattern baldness.

This is Garrett Stewart Sayre. He plays Jim.

And this is Steve Sayre. He plays Steve.

Why This Movie Is Actually Good:

There’s an explosion scene involving a limo that’s pretty neat. Like, that had to have been fun to do on set.

Only under this one exception will I say, in regards to this movie: Dudes rock.

The whole movie is on YouTube, but you’ll have to watch it at Youtube, unfortunately.

Plot Points By Point, With The Gang:

The film starts off with the logo of the film, shot off letter by letter with a gun? As the intro credits roll we’re treated to b-roll footage of various places in Washington DC.

Probably busy sniffing a fire hydrant.

Then we’re taken into an office in the CIA where a guy enters an office, confirming “it’s a go”. And we immediately shift to watching a NASA space launch? And with that we go straight to Steve Stone making out with his girlfriend who’s half his age.

[loads gun]

Meanwhile, Jim Stone is trying to pass notes during an important government meeting to hit on another blonde woman who’s half his age. He’s sent off to kill a drug lord named Petritelli who lives on his compound in Columbia. Armed with a sniper rifle, a boat full of college-aged women, and b-roll footage of monkeys, Jim assassinates Petritelli.

The energy in this film is consistent. And that’s a rock fact.

Petritelli’s forces pursue after Jim and manage to injure one of the aforementioned college-aged women, which gives Jim a reason to hold her in his arms and…kiss her forehead.

We see you. We respect you.

Later, Jim receives a letter from Geno Petritelli. Turns out he’s the nephew of the uncle that Jim just killed. Geno’s gonna get revenge by killing Jim’s brother. At this point, the movie really devolves into a long narration of events by Jim, explaining various scenarios of Steve arresting members of the cartel, and also making out with his 1/2 aged girlfriend in a pool.

Rae had a lot of well-justified doubt by the filmmakers.

Not to worry though, Jim manages to save a bunch of kids who would’ve otherwise been blown up on a school bus? Geno’s plans for revenge are not quite clear here. Nor is it any clearer when a biker gang of like 15 dudes shows up to threaten Jim and he fends them off by showing off his pistol. And just for good measure, we get more montages of Steve making out with this girl who definitely could pass as his own child with that age gap. They’re making out on a beach. On a piano. It’s just constant at this point.

Dare I repeat myself.

Geno gets serious and blows up an air force base, as well as Steve’s apartment. Steve manages to save himself and his girlfriend by escaping into the swimming pool. Finally, Geno gets the revenge done right and has some punk kid just straight up shoot Steve.

In response, we’re treated to a really long scene of paramedics trying to save Steve’s life, followed by the helicopter arriving, and the paramedics loading him up, and the helicopter flies away. He dies, so then we get a long funeral burial scene. Just chewing all the celluloid we can muster.

Knock-knock-knockin’ on Heaven’s Braincell

At last, it’s time for Jim to get his revenge promised in the synopsis. And that revenge is complete with more young blonde women who occasionally appear naked on screen, some goons who threaten to sexually assault an even younger woman, and Jim shooting a car with a pistol until it exploded.

However, as it turns out, Steve isn’t dead! He’s secretly recovering in a hospital somewhere that Geno didn’t know about. So he starts to physically rehab, train with his girlfriend and go jet-skiing at a CIA safe-house. Of course, this means we get a montage of him training.

MFer literally training like RFK. These freaks really do think training with jeans is somehow good.

We get a chase scene on a golf course, complete with golf carts. Then a boat and a jetski. Then some tiny planes. And finally So all that’s left is the big showdown involving Jim and his brother, as well as Petritelli’s forces who arrive in a limo. Jim, his brother, and his buddies, proceed to blow the fuck up out of that limo.

No more secret training montages, please!

As for who lives and dies at this point? You can probably guess based on the insane power fantasy of the writer/director, but you’ll have to watch for yourself. However…the gang was not ready for what happened during the end credits.

The film proceeds to list every single cop that died in the United States, alphabetized by state.

Should You Watch This Film?

Henry really outdid himself on this one. It’s amazingly cringe, but it’s hard to say if you really need to go out of your way to watch it. Maybe watch it while drunk and/or with friends so you can all laugh at it like we did!

Best Out Of Context Riff Of The Night: