I Was Happy for My Friend—So Why Did I Feel Sad?

Why do I feel envy when someone shares their happiness with me?

Image Credit: Pinterest!

I was talking to a friend today. He was sharing stories about a trip he had taken and how happy it made him feel. Everything was fine until he started talking about the places he visited, the experiences he had, and how alive it made him feel. A wave of sadness suddenly hit me. At first, I couldn’t understand why. Then I realized it wasn’t because I wasn’t happy for him. It was because I feel sad for myself. Because deep inside, I knew I wouldn’t be able to feel what he felt. I wouldn’t be able to afford the trip he took. I wouldn’t be able to stand where he stood and see what he saw. The moment I realized that, the sadness grew heavier. I slowly disconnected from the call. I could still hear him talking, but I wasn’t paying attention anymore. My mind had already wandered somewhere else. I am happy for him. But I am sad for myself. It’s not jealousy. I don’t want him to lose what he has. It’s envy that comes with feeling hopeless.

Hopeless on life. The kind that quietly asks: When will I get a chance to do something like this? Will I ever get a chance to do something like this? I don’t know.

But sometimes, when people share their happiness with me, I realize that what hurts isn’t their happiness. It’s the distance between their reality and my dreams.

How do I tell my heart to stop feeling that way?