Ever get tired of your own behavior?

Ever get tired of your own behavior?

This profile is beginning to be a blog of my silly little life lol. Sometimes it feels like a humiliation ritual like what are these moments happening for?!

I feel that I am a pretty self aware person and for the most part, I carry myself very well. As a young woman with many magnetizing qualities, I tend to attract a whole host of people. I have a friend for everything everywhere lol, safe to say that people love me. However, people have very polarized reactions to me, they either love me or hate that they love me loll. Naturally in response to that polarity, as much as people are good to me, there are also people that go out of their way to put me down or have any reaction with me just to have my attention, even if it’s negative.

Honestly, I’d like to think of myself as a pretty chill dude. I’m a good time if I do say so myself, and I live for a fun time because who doesn’t enjoy fun right?! I like to refer to those moments where people who are clearly threatened by me or craving attention from me as rage bait. In these moments where I am being rage baited, I am usually more than likely enjoying myself and minding my business and then boom, I’m being disrespected for no reason other than I look like an easy target. Now obviously, one who’s used to being met with this energy would understand exactly what’s going on and not let it bother them. Unfortunately, it heavily depends on my mood and who said ‘energy’ is coming from.

I feel that after one recent interaction of someone playing things cool and then randomly disrespecting me has me tired of my own sht. It’s like okay girl you know that this woman is threatened by you so why bother? Yes I know but in the moment it can be very confusing and hurtful, especially when you haven’t done anything to them to deserve disrespect. In the moment I did react to the disrespect and unfortunately it did blow up much bigger than it had to be but I am not ashamed at my actions just tired. After everything blew up someone said to me “not everything deserves a reaction.”*

THAT did it for me because duh. And then it clicked for me, no matter what I do, if I react in any way shape or form I will always be seen as the aggressor because I am seen as bigger, the more powerful one. It’s like the equivalent to a mom letting the youngest child constantly agitate and tease the oldest because they’re younger and the oldest should just take that into account and ignore it. After falling down that long rabbit hole, I honestly feel that I shouldn’t have reacted the way that I did although the disrespect was loud, sometimes it’s okay to just turn the other cheek. Disrespect that is blatant and meant to do exactly that, disrespect, hurts like a long paper cut that has no business being so deep.

I genuinely believe that maybe these situations are trying to prepare me for something and I’m delaying my growth by constantly reacting to things I know are meant to hurt me. Why give it energy you know? It’s super easier said than done but I’m sure that I’ll eventually figure out something that will help me to acknowledge and ignore all of the rage baiting.

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Thanks for reading!

Please bear with me while I perfect my writing style lol. I am super new at publishing and I plan on learning how to effectively tell my story while not dragging it but keeping it interesting.