Kitting Of the Kook

The Kook’s Clutter Commences

Covid’s backing off by the time I start getting it together. I’ve worked from home, taken my shots, and socially distanced with our Sunday morning kayakers. The ache to get outside is strong and I now want a wing foil kit. Want. Want. Want.

I’m enthusiastic but I’m also judicious, which translates to me taking my time, researching and planning, looking at some rather paltry figures, pushing those numbers back and forth, and trying to define a budget, or at least something ‘budget — ish’.

Evaluating the hourly rate of local tuition, I also consider my physical and financial state and decide that for me it’s yet another wealth transfer mechanism. Additionally, it’s in my head that sports tuition is for athletes, not for me. That option would be higher up on Abe Maslow’s priorities than I can afford, so I’m going to have to do my own research and bootstrap the rest.

Searching for as many tutorial videos and forum posts as I could find, I collate a list of qualities and quantities to look for in terms of shape, size, volume and materials. Ancillaries, such as wetsuits, both steamers and springies, helmets, impact vests and leashes are added to this list. Even a new bucket of SPF 50+ water resistant, zinc laden, sun cream is added to the list, as we do down here.

The shopping list indicates that I’m looking for a one hundred and twenty litre sup or wing foil board is suitable, which is approximately 30 litres more than my body weight in kilograms. At this point, it could be a crossover sup foil board cum wing foil board as I figure that I could learn both sports. I find one in our local forum. The board design is a little older, circa 2018, but beautiful people in beautiful locations are making beautiful videos using it, so it must be okay, yeah? The one for resale in the photo looks to be in good condition, and it’s within my budget. I contact the seller to commence the transfers.

As for foils, well, there were yellow ones, red ones, blues ones, but mostly sexy black carbon fibre ones, showing off their twill pattern weave. Some of the older foils remind me of the steel blade of a stump-jump plow., while newer ones look like aircraft wings, however, I’m told that they’re for intermediate foilers and can be quite twitchy. I settle for a well-known brand that has a simpler model range, buying a well touted model and size suitable for a kook, that came as a full kit including bag. Someone made it easy.

The wing size discussion came down to going with the multiple recommendations of the five-metre wing size. I wanted a wing with a boom and there was only one manufacturer designing wings with booms then. That model didn’t have a central inflated strut, whereas most other models and brands implemented an inflatable central strut, but no boom. I didn’t see that as an issue at the time.

Not being able to find the wing in the five-metre size anywhere, I expanded my options, finding a four-metre wing and buying that, then found a six-metre wing and buying that too. My new quiver was bracketing either side of that missing five-metre wing. I don’t think that this was a rash response as over time I hadn’t gone anywhere near the water with the board, so this tactical response was aiming to put me on the water sooner.

Did this approach pay off? What then of my other purchases? Did any of these purchases help me to learn wing foiling? Did I hinder myself by buying resale?

Wise Kook (‘WK’ hereafter): “Well actually, we may want to review all your items. I’ve brought some ‘friends’ who’ll give their perspectives.” as he takes my elbow, steers me into a chair, hands me an iced tea, nods at me, and turns away to look at another.

Beginner Kook (‘BK’): “Yay me! I have new toys! I can haz wing foilingz!”

Mid Kook (‘MK’): “Ah, ‘sigh’. Do you tell him or do I?”

WK: “Oh please, be my guest.”

MK: “Okay, so, do you mind if I start with the board.”

BK: “Um, okay. Why? What about it?”

MK: “Well, ah, that sup board was made in 2018 in an exotic location where the sports folks are called ‘Watermen’. You on the other hand, no offence meant, last got your heart pumping rushing down the Pho place at lunchtime. You may struggle with endurance, and with balance. In fact, balancing on a foil board is going to take a lot of effort to improve.”

BK: “Is that an inner ear thing? What can I do to improve that?”

MK: “You are going to have to go on side quests to get your sea legs. I won’t go into it now. Let’s finish talking about the kit.”

WK: “It’s going to be okay. It’s just our individual journey, and we walk it as consistently as we can. Analysis will help us identify ideas and we’ll test and tick off each one. It will help by stepping into these side quests, however, don’t spelunk too deep down those rabbit holes. Remain within at least one side quest’s length distant from our wing foiling goal.”

MK: “Yeah. I must agree. Some of those side quests delivered some good lessons and have provided some off-season options. Each quest may have become yet another unplanned expense, however they did return value.”

WK: “Well, are you going to tell me what they are?”

MK: “Nah. They’ll turn up soon enough. You’re analytical and proactive and… still highly ignorant of the causes of your issues. You will have to walk the journey barefoot to understand why shoes are a good idea.”

BK: “Yay! A wild philosophical me appears! Seriously, can you tell me anything useful?”

MK: “Nah. No can do. Paradoxes and all that. Besides, if I told you to look up ‘the box’ or ‘animal walk’ you’d just look at me strangely. Yeah, that look there!”

WK: “Well it is one of the things that I’d wish that I’d known sooner. The box will become important to you. It comes from surfing. That paradigm will help you; but not on your first board. Once you’ve learned those lessons from Pookah, you will be able to go back and stand on that first board and it will become ‘piss easy’ to do so. Then you’ll get your value from it”.

BK: “Who’s Pookah?”

MK: “Ah shit! Look, to advance you will have to make some decisions. They’re not bad decisions. They’ll help us progress. However, it would have helped to jump onto other boards sooner, but ‘money’, yada.”

BK’s face holds a dubious look, muttering “Hmm. Okay. Are we thinking that my Sunk Cost Fallacy buy-in came to the fore?”

WK: “No. Well, maybe just a little. We would have happily jumped onto other boards if we had the money. They’re not cheap and people hang onto the good ones.”

BK: “So what complaints do you have about the wings then?”

MK: “Nah. Again not telling you. You haven’t yet heard the terms ‘turtling’ or ‘flagged out’. Let’s just say you will spend big in a couple of wings time, after some learnings.”

BK: “Oh, seriously? I thought that I’d done well with these? I really wanted the ones with booms. Was that wrong?”

MK: “No, I know they’re what we could afford. It’s just that things improve over time.”

WK: “Yeah. Relax. Booms will be here to stay. Like Middie here says, things will get better. Lighter. Smaller. Stiffer. More expensive.”

MK: “More expensive? Oh yeah. The whole world gets more expensive.”

WK: Nods sadly. Then becomes more upbeat. “But just wait until you see Downwinding.”

BK: “What? Like with the long sup boards that they paddle offshore?”.

MK: “Sort of, but with foils. Really wide foils. ‘High Aspect’. I’m mesmerised, watching videos of downwinders surfing sea swell mile after mile. Think of it as going cross-country for foilers.”

WK: “However, focus on the task ahead of you. Downwinding is way down the track for you. Still hang onto it as a goal though. I still think it’s achievable but it’s going to take time and practice.”

BK: “So will I get more opportunity to practice?”

MK: “Yeah nah. You’re the dad of two young teens. Life is always interesting.”

CK: “Then there’s your career. Anyway, remember when you copped dynema line burns from being wrapped up in a paraglider in the surf. Well, apparently, that too is now a lifestyle choice.”

BK: “Oh get f*****! Are you serious?!”

MK: “Yeah, just simple single skin ‘parawings’ though. Even some of the paraglider manufacturers got into the act. They use them on mid-length boards - don’t ask! and downwinder boards. Don’t worry, the parawings are about four metres square on average, too small to make a dolmade out of anyone. For well understood reasons we’re not interested in them other than for technical curiousity.”

WK seeing the side glance from MK: “Yep. Still the case. Though there’s our local flotilla of them now, and they do look spectacular heading down the bay together at speed.”

MK: “‘Anyway’, nice diversion. What was that about our career?”

WK: “Never you mind. Things will be okay. Think of it as an opportunity for mid-week sessions, but yeah, less money for new toys. Stresses will be about the same. Swings and roundabouts.”

BK: “Okay so I muffed it with the board and bought ‘interesting’ wings. What else should I have known?”

WK: “Better impact vests and helmets will come along. Also, no matter the style of leash, they will still shit you no end. However, applying a mental checklist will address that. It works a lot of the time.”

MK: “I would say that you must research wind and tide for your location. Know that you have chosen a tough location to kook at. That beach regularly has one point two metre waves with a 3 second period just as the wind is getting strong enough for us to foil. I’d also have a chat with the people at your site. They’re a friendly mob, and very helpful too. Someone there will have information on other locations. These are all within a couple of hours drive, may take additional wind directions and will have calmer wave conditions.”

BK: “Thanks. I needed to know that. I have this overwhelming sense of being the odd one out and I haven’t even hit the water yet. Hey! What about the foil?”

WK: “Don’t worry about it. It’s a good brand with appropriately sized main wing. You could use a smaller stabiliser though, but we’ll sort it out.”

MK: “Plus, you’ll skill up on making your own carbon fibre wings.”

WK: “Good skills to have. One of the best things that you could know is that there are tactical actions and strategic decisions on the water and that you need to develop awareness and patience to utilise these. Your persistence and analytical skills will help you, when reined in… Are you right?”

MK: “Nah. He’s gone already. His eyes have glazed over. That’s probably a good point to stop.”

WK: “Fair enough. Look, I wouldn’t say that we chose poorly. It’s what we could get with what we had, at that time, in our part of the world. Yes, there will be challenges and we will attend to those. We’re not going to be a perma-kook even if it sometimes might feel that way. We will learn the things that we need when the time is right for us. We get better.”

MK: “Yeah, we get better.”

—

So, there I was, all kitted out, ready to discover the challenges ahead of me. I feel that I have the kit that I need. I’m just waiting for a day to head down to the bay. Watching the weather sites, trying to guess how the local sites will behave, having no real idea.