WHAT CHASING MEANT TO COLIN

Colin stood on the dune on the windy beach holding his retired greyhound pet Maxxy closely on his lead. The dog was waiting to be let off near the seas edge so he could do his 500-metre sprint. To expend nearly all his energy. Chasing seagulls in the distance or maybe imaginary rabbits like he used to at the track. It was Saturday, Colin’s only proper day off, and he especially enjoyed his walks with Maxxy on this day. A new routine cut out from a once upon a time bad one.

Before Colin stopped all his gambling by self-exclusion 6 years ago, Saturday was always the big session of the week. The build-up, the excitement from breakfast time onwards. That old sheeny anticipation with it. Cash flooding his wallet in his pocket. The gambling venues to visit in the town worked out. The big wins colorfully imagined and the mental video tapes of these playing through his mind as he quickly prepared himself. The actual result 8 hours later was more often than not, very different.

Colin got to the sea and let his doting hound go. Still visually impressed by Maxxy’s phenomenal burst of pace. As he walked towards him in the distance he thought of a term he read online during the week. ‘Gamblers often chase their losses’. Yes thought Colin, of course I like nearly all gamblers/ex-gamblers know what chasing is. Technically its getting more money available to try and get ones losses back before leaving the casino whatever. Or even probably worse, deciding to dangerously increase or increment one’s stakes to try and get a big win quickly to cover the loss. Of course we did it Colin. Many times. Many worser losses because of it.

But Colin thought a bit deeper on it as he got half way towards Maxxy who was now rolling in the sand. What chasing meant to me was more to try and get the say 1000 I’d already lost back so I didn’t have to suffer the lousy thought of having lost it the whole weekend. The rippling regret and my ongoing hidden bind with gambling. The many what else’s I might have done with the gone cash. And that I wouldn’t have to be in a dark vague mood when I took my girlfriend at the time out for dinner. Colin got to Maxxy who jumped up to him. ‘Here lad, get on your lead, were going home for some lunch. Thank god I only got you to chase now, and how very luckily I got past gambling’.

The End.