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The Story About You

Yes, you.

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As the sun sets on a lazy Sunday, you step into your backyard with a yawn that never seems to end. When it does, your neighbor’s untamed beast, a Rottweiler named Bob reminds you that you’re hated despite having fed him steak burgers over thirty times.

You keep your distance from the fence knowing he loves to dig into calf muscle. What further infuriates you is his ability to act like a well-mannered poodle, on a Saturday, the day he’s fed the steak burger.

As you try to fall asleep, knowing that you have to face your boss for the next five days, Bob’s owner — a fan of The Beatles — turns up the volume on his stereo, playing “All You Need Is Love.”

Your facial expressions change as you grind your teeth and clench your fist. While you wish you could clench both your fists, your eyes constantly portray images of the shark that swam away with your left hand. You can’t take it anymore, and a plethora of curses erupt.

Just as you decide to have a talk with your neighbor, your mind warns you about his short temper and bulging biceps. You quietly cringe in bed and sing along with The Beatles.

Slowly but surely your mind drifts, and lines of disgust appear on your face as you think about the marital assets in your divorce settlement.

Finally, the day arrives, and victory is yours. The settlement goes your way. You pop open the finest champagne and sip it, wearing a diabolical smile. The theme from Chariots of Fire gets loud in ambient corners of your mind as you watch the lines of disgust appear on your ex-wife’s face.

Suddenly, the pomp and fervor are disrupted by the slimy saliva of Rocco, your ex-wife’s pug. You wake up, realizing that the pug is the only prized possession you acquired from the divorce settlement. Once you’re fully awake, you remember that your ex-wife didn’t want Rocco.

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As you walk toward your workplace, the face of your boss becomes vivid. As you cross the street, thoughts of enduring your boss until the weekend torment you. Meanwhile, a woman driving a speeding Mustang in your direction adjusts the rearview mirror and pampers her lips with a new shade of lipstick. Thud!

All you remember is an aerial view of a car. Next thing you know, you’re seated in a dark leather couch alongside a horned man who is laughing his guts out watching footage of your sobbing ex-wife at a funeral.

You take a moment, inspect the dark interiors of the area, and arrive at a conclusion: hell! The devil confirms it. Reluctantly, you lean back on the leather couch and watch the visuals of your funeral.

Your heart melts as you realize your ex-wife did care for you. What annoys you is that the devil laughs constantly throughout the entire episode. As you confront him, he laughs even louder and reveals the face of the woman in the Mustang.

Is it about you?

© 2025 Ansel Pereira