Sexuality, Gender, Pronouns: From a Lesbian Fantasy Writer in Ghana

I solely write in English, but my culture heavily influences my stories.

Photo by Samuel Regan-Asante on Unsplash

Gender, pronouns, and sexuality have become some of the most polarising topics of our time. Some people insist there are only two genders. Others have a personal beef with pronouns.

The simple question, “What are your pronouns?” is enough to make them froth at the mouth. “I don’t have any,” they snap, and in the same breath, cuss you out if you misgender them.

Usually, these are also the same people who say homosexuality is not natural.

There is no doubt that it can be a controversial discourse in our society. To me, however, it’s rather simple. And the simplicity lies in the fact that it’s not as binary as we assume.

Gender

Gender and sex are often used interchangeably; however, they are distinctively different. While sex is biological, gender is social. Sex is being born a male, female, or one of the several variations within those two. So yes, there are more than two sexes. A mere fraction of the human population, but they do exist.

Biologically, the male sex has XY chromosomes while the female sex has XX chromosomes. If 100% of humans fell under XY or XX, then perhaps it would be logical to conclude that there are only two sexes, and maybe even two genders. But that’s just not the case. It is proven that a percentage of humanity falls under various mutations of sex chromosomes that are neither XX nor XY. These are people who can have biological characteristics of both male and female in unique permutations. Of course, many may identify as the sex they outwardly appear to be, but it doesn’t erase the other half of who they are.

These mutations are not diseases; they are natural variations. Like how some people have brown eyes, and others have blue or green. The fact that intersex people exist should be enough proof that people are not a one-size-fits-all; we come in different shapes and sizes. However, others would like us to believe that humans, with all their uniqueness and diversity, can be neatly put into two boxes.

And so, they stubbornly cling to the idea that there are only two genders. Add the fact that transgender people do indeed exist, and that’s more than enough to make them lose their minds.

Gender, unlike sex, is a social construct defined by one’s culture. If you’re born male, you’re socially conditioned to act in a certain way associated with manliness, while discouraged from acting outside of it. We see this all the time in how boys and girls are raised, because certain social traits are correlated with masculinity and femininity.

“Stop crying. Boys don’t cry.”

“Keep silent. Girls must be seen, not heard.”

Men are expected to be strong, aggressive, and ambitious. Women are expected to be dainty, elegant, and nurturing. A man who doesn’t fit the mould is castigated as a woman, while women who are strong and ambitious are called too masculine. For the record, I believe this rhetoric is exceedingly stupid.

Unfortunately, it’s everywhere online and offline. Men should act this way, while women should act that way. Gender roles are stupid… there, I said it. If there’s one thing that’s held humanity back from true advancement, it’s this very mindset.

Humans are a complex bunch. Within everyone lies the masculine and feminine, no matter what sex you’re born with. How you choose to express this is solely your business. Behaviour isn’t dictated by sex or gender as some people would like us to believe. Yes, some things only happen to males or females because of biology. But most things are social constructs and can apply to everyone.

Anyone can be ambitious, kind, calm, quiet, loud, disciplined, nurturing, competent, incompetent, passionate, indifferent, emotional, strong, weak — you name it.

Behaviour is a human condition, not a condition of gender.

As a speculative fiction writer, I explore this concept in many of my stories.

Gender is expressed in a myriad of forms, biologically and socially. Various mythical races and species in my fantasy novels often understand the nuances of sex and gender expression. They do not adhere to the binary mindset that humans do. They know that males and females exist. But they also fully accept the complex range of diversity.

In my fantasy series, *Hers Trilogy*, Emunorrs and Primordials know that all things are essentially a manifestation of Emun, the Wholeness. The All. The Eternal Energy. There’s no such thing as masculine or feminine. Or more accurately, everything is masculine and feminine; thus, these entities don’t cling to a particular gender. Instead, they can manifest various forms, each one with its own unique gender expression.

For example, Alfina, the Emunorr of Creation, is female. She represents the creative aspect of Emun, expressed as feminine. But while Alfina is female, she has several manifestations — Primordials — who are either male or female. She even has bigender and pangender manifestations. One such example is Utenorios, famously known for their twenty-one forms, many of which are genderless.

To these entities, polarity is merely an illusion. Masculinity and femininity can exist within the same individual regardless of their biological sex.

To the human mind, however — whether in my stories or in the real world — this can be quite hard to conceptualise. Anything outside the binary of male or female is not worth considering. You’re either one or the other. Period.

Perhaps this is why readers keep asking me if Nyx, the protagonist in *Hers Trilogy,* is transgender. Each time, my answer remains the same: Nyx is not transgender. She was born female and identifies as such, even if socially she has ‘masculine traits.’ I think people’s confusion stems from the fact that Nyx can also grow a phallus when she’s aroused. But that’s not because she’s a man. Hell, she’s not even human; she’s a demon, and demon sexuality or gender expression is far from binary. In my fictional universe, demons and other beings, unlike humans, accept all parts of themselves without shame or judgment. They also couldn’t care less about insecure people who would like to suppress their true selves.

Pronouns

One’s gender identity is expressed in many ways. The pronouns they use for themselves are one of those ways.

Languages that have gendered pronouns do well to differentiate various genders. Someone who identifies as male will use male-specific pronouns like he/him, while one who identifies as female will use she/her. Nonbinary individuals use they/them, as they don’t feel like he/she best describes them.

But this, I believe, is the limitation of languages with gendered pronouns. In my native tongue, Ga, pronouns are not gendered. We use the same pronoun for a man, a woman, a table, a dog, and socialism. It only changes based on number (singular and plural), not on gender. No matter what your gender identity is, one Ga pronoun is enough to describe you perfectly.

Although I solely write in English, there’s no doubt my culture heavily influences my stories. In the past, while I was still a young writer, I used all the pronouns interchangeably; she for a man, he for a woman — it didn’t really matter. It was not intentional, nor was I trying to make some political statement or whatever. I was simply so used to nongendered pronouns in my first language that it seeped into my second. Obviously, it confused the hell out of my readers. I learned my lesson.

Pronouns do matter.

While my fictional languages, like the Primordial tongue, are nongendered, I still use their English counterpart, because, well, I write in English and wouldn’t want to confuse readers.

But of course, as already explored above, gender is expressed in various ways by different characters. So how do I use pronouns to identify them? It’s not easy, to be honest. But I do my best to come up with creative ways.

Nyx identifies with she/her because she is female. It doesn’t matter if she can biologically grow a member at will. She’s still a woman.

Bigender and pangender characters use she/her, he/him, or they/them, depending on the gender of the body they’re currently in. If they’re in their male form, they go with he/him. In their female form, she/her. Or they may use any pronoun at all, regardless of the gender. The key is to be consistent to avoid chaos.

The Primordial Luros uses they/them. Luros’s case is unique in the sense that they are not nonbinary. Rather, they are literally two entities in one, both of which are male. In their individual forms, each entity uses he/him pronouns, but as Luros, they/them.

In my *Vanquisher Series*, I even use ‘it’ for genderless entities.

Some writers use neopronouns like ze/zir/zirs/ and others. That might work too. But personally, I find that it gets way too confusing, especially as someone from a culture with nongendered pronouns. So, I simplify things by sticking with she/her, he/him, and they/them. Besides, one’s gender and sexuality are not the main focus of my story, so they’re almost invisible.

[embed]Some People Are So Angry About Pronouns I had the opposite problem. I wasn’t mad… I was confused.medium.com

Sexuality

God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. This is basically the argument of grown-ass people against homosexuality. They say a man must be with a woman and vice versa. Humans can only be heterosexual, and that’s it.

But isn’t this strange, though? The diversity of humans is expressed in the colour of the skin, hair and eyes, height, weight, thought, ideas, feelings, skills, talents, interests, and so much more. And yet, for some reason, we expect everyone to be straight.

Does that even make sense?

Not to me, it does not. If we can be different in so many ways, why then do people find it difficult to accept the differences in sexuality?

Being homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, or asexual is very real. Some people are attracted to people of the opposite sex only. Some to the same sex. Some like both sexes. For some, it isn’t necessarily the biological sex they’re attracted to, but the gender expression of that person. For example, a ‘straight’ man who claims to like women may not be attracted to a ‘masculine’ woman but somehow feel attracted to a ‘feminine’ man. It’s not that they like women, but rather, they’re attracted to the social construct of femininity.

And then they end up getting conflicted with themselves. “But I’m not gay,” they say. “I am straight. I like women.”

The issue is not that you’re gay or straight. The issue is that you have allowed yourself to be imprisoned by labels. Thanks to society.

Attraction, like many human conditions, is very complex. The simplest way to understand it is that people like who they like. That’s it. It really shouldn’t matter as long as it’s consensual and age-appropriate. Period

Non-heterosexuals are normally called queer. As in strange. Or peculiar. I understand it’s a term that was reclaimed by the gay community. But originally, this was a derogatory term for people who didn’t conform to heteronormativity — people perceived as abnormal. Except, being heterosexual isn’t the norm — it’s simply one way of being. Sure, most people are straight. But most people are also right-handed. Does that make left-handed people abnormal? Less human?

While I don’t really care for the term ‘queer,’ I don’t mind its usage. I think people should identify however they feel. But for me, queer implies unnatural, and that’s simply not the case. Homosexuality is as natural as night and day. It’s neither ordinary nor extraordinary. It just is.

I believe the main reason most of the human population identifies as heterosexual is because of the stigma attached to homosexuality. If people weren’t ostracised for who they were attracted to, and allowed to freely love whoever they wanted, they wouldn’t be so shackled by labels, nor be internally conflicted when they fall for someone of the same sex.

You wouldn’t have to question your entire existence when you start having feelings for your best friend. “Am I straight? Am I gay? What the hell am I?”

My dear, you’re just a person hopelessly smitten with another person.

Unfortunately, we do not live in such a world. So, I create it in my stories to hopefully show others that it is indeed okay to be you.

In my Dragonmage Chronicles, being LGBTQ+ is pretty common among the dragon race. Flameborn dragons often fall in love with their warrior mages, irrespective of gender.

Other worlds I’ve created, like Zarva, Agon, and Rhu, all recognise same-sex coupling and poly romances. Queer people are not labelled as queer at all, because sexuality comes in all shades. Add magic, and it’s even possible for two women or two men to have their own biological child.

One of my characters from Rhu has three biological mothers. It probably sounds weird, but it’s completely normal among the Rhui, and perhaps, might make perfect sense to you once you see why.

Conclusion

The world is vast and full of possibilities. It’s rather unfortunate that we narrow our perspective, reducing it to such binary terms. Instead of living in alignment with who we truly are, we end up repressing ourselves and living in misery.

As if that’s not enough, we want to project that misery onto others.

We live in a world where people wouldn’t hesitate to kill you because you’re different. Or because they’re wrestling with their own internal shame.

The world would be a much better place if everyone lived unapologetically without harm to others or the environment. Honestly, I don’t know how that can happen.

But what I do know is that I’ll do my part, no matter how small, one story at a time.