Let’s Watch: Werewolf (1997)

Mavis Beacon’s Pantsless Typing.

*Every week, the While Rome Burns crew gathers ‘round to watch a film of questionable content and give their two cents as it unfolds. This is a collection of the best pennies from those sessions for you.*

POV: You’re at the back of a 12-car line at Taco Bell at 2AM.

The Film We Watched:

“That’s absolutely fascinating.”

What They Say This Movie Is About:

After an archaeological team in Arizona unearths a werewolf skeleton and one of them develops symptoms of lycanthropy before dying, the dig’s foreman, Yuri, tries to infect other townspeople as an experiment. When a science writer named Paul takes up residence in the town to cover the dig and develops a romantic interest in a female team member, Yuri makes Paul his next target.

What This Movie Is Actually About:

People find all sorts of unique and creative ways to pronounce the word “werewolf”:

• “Where-Wolf”
• “War-Wolf”
• “Wur-Wolf”

And more!

Why This Movie Is Actually Good:

It’s earnestly made and earnestly terrible, which made it a stellar candidate to be shown on Mystery Science Theater 3000, which is how we watched the movie. MST3K vets of the group consider “Werewolf” one of their best episodes.

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Plot Points By Point, With The Gang:

Luke won at life, folks.

In the Arizona desert, archaeologists find a skeleton that looks like a werewolf.

Archaeologists beat up Nazi’s all the time, right? RIGHT?

Foreman Yuri gets into a fight with his crew over the skeleton. In the skirmish a worker named Tommy gets scratched by the werewolf skeleton, which causes a lot of concern amidst the crew.

Ah, well so it goes.

Tommy is taken to the hospital and shows signs of what I can only call werewolf-ism. Yuri sneaks into his room and takes a sample of Tommy’s blood.

“Screw the ozone layer, this hair is going to L I F T.”

Not long after, Tommy fully transforms into a werewolf and kills several people before escaping the hospital. Crewmembers Joel and Bill wait at Tommy’s house with guns loaded with silver bullets, and upon Tommy’s arrival, they kill him.

Bros being real bros in ways their bro never asked.

Meanwhile, in nearby Flagstaff, a writer named Paul arrives at a B&B to take up residence.

Several folks proceeded to also ask about the lady coming with the B&B.

The archaeologists have apparently invited Paul to publicize their find so they can receive more funding for their research. At a party, Paul’s introduced to Natalie, a member of the crew. While Paul finds himself smitten with Natalie, Yuri sexually harasses her, which causes him to get kicked out of the party.

Oh wait that’s not the screen, that’s blood coming out of my eyes.

On his way out, Yuri drugs a security guard with some of Tommy’s blood, which causes the guard to transform into a werewolf.

Erik and Kev subjected Twitter followers to screencaps of a Ray Liotta commercial for years. Why, I’ll never know (because I haven’t asked).

The werewolf tries driving his car, but drives it into a stack of oil barrels, which explode and kills him.

The next day, Paul visits the lab and Yuri violently attacks him with the werewolf skull. Paul immediately shows signs of the ol’ werewolf-ism, even though Natalie tries to comfort him through what is implied to be, a sexual encounter.

It’s true, we’re dumb like that. We will always be down for the mood.

Paul’s werewolf-ism spreads, and he’s aware of it, and is scared by all the changes. The affliction comes full circle at a pool hall where Natalie and Yuri are both present, and Paul goes full werewolf, running through the streets on a rampage before disappearing into the woods.

And there’s already three seasons on CrunchyRoll.

Yuri wants to capture Paul and use him as a freak side show. Natalie wants to save Paul. Will love win, or the love of carnie money win? Does anyone else become werewolves this slowly like with Paul, or much more quickly like everyone else? These questions and more can be answered if you watch the film for yourself.

The realest ones know.

Should You Watch This Film?

Absolutely watch this one. It’s astounding that this film exists in its form and no one making it thought to double-check literally any part of the flow, the script, the pacing, the anything of it, really. It’s just a disjointed mess, and a beautiful one at that.

Best Out Of Context Riff Of The Night: