LSCSC Ch.29 — Peas and Potatoes

Karina sat with her back to the three paneled bay windows that afforded an expansive view of a chain-link fence and some kudzu. All shaded a deep blue under the darkening night sky. The clock on the wall opposite her read 9:55. Can’t believe we made it before 10.

To her left and right at the round kitchen table sat her two brothers. The younger of the two, ten year old Jojo, was attempting to fold his pile of mash potatoes into some kind of abstract modern art piece. Of course, he was also implementing the other materials at his disposal (peas and pre-cut pieces of steak) to adorn his masterpiece. He was, to put it another way, not eating. Karina’s older brother, eighteen year old Tommy, on the other hand, had just finished devouring his second plate of food like some starved rabid animal, and was about to ask for thirds when Karina’s mother grabbed the plate out from in front of him.

“I told you not to talk with your mouth open.” Said Karina’s mother.

“I didn’t!” Replied Tommy, spitting out a potato lathered piece of steak onto the table in the process.

Jojo laughed at this, and in the corner, the spread newspaper that was Karina’s dad came down for a half second- just long enough for those eyes to make sure nothing was really required of him, then the paper went back up.

Karina looked as out of place as a bat in a rabbit den. She wore all black, and looked as if she might just spontaneously combust out of pure annoyance. Her two brothers had taken after their father, and they both looked like (she thought) human crayons- wearing brightly striped boyish t-shirts and khakis. Though, unlike her father, both her brothers seemed to have made it their life missions to push her to her absolute mental limit. And they didn’t have to do much more than simply exist. But tonight, this was only half the reason for Karina’s sullen attitude.

Karina’s mother sat the fully re-piled plate down in front of Tommy, who returned to his meal with the same vigor and speed he’d had the first time around. Karina turned her eyes to Tommy and watched as he shoveled peas and potatoes into his mouth like some new century caveman. He even held the spoon like a baby, full fisted. She rolled her eyes over to Jojo and saw that he at least had some creative impulses. The potato-pea-steak pie was now in a rough smiley face shape. He looked pleased with himself. Karina pulled her gaze away and up to meet her mother’s eyes.

“So… your friend didn’t want to come to dinner?” Asked Karina’s mother, a bit sympathetically.

“I guess not.” Karina replied, flatly.

“Where did you say you met him again?”

“At work. He… we talked about ouija boards and… stuff.”

“Oh, is that so.” Replied Karina’s mom, having sat back down to take a bite of her peas.

Suddenly, a spoonful of mashed potatoes went flying across the table, narrowly missing Karina’s mother, only to splat against the foot of the refrigerator. There was no hesitation:

“Jojo!” Screamed Karina.

“Jojo!” Screamed Karina’s mom.

“Joseph!” Yelled Karina’s dad, newspaper only coming down halfway.

“Joe!” Yelled Tommy.

“Sorry.” Replied Jojo. He didn’t sound sorry.

It took conversation a moment to resume after this, but Karina’s mom eventually started things back up.

“Well, his loss, eh? Missing out on my world famous peas and potatoes.” She could see Karina’s despondent face, and was trying to lighten things up, but it wasn’t working. “Maybe he can come another day?”

Karina nodded and looked down at her untouched plate. “Yeah, maybe…”

Just my luck. I meet and befriend a genuine, bona-fide, zombie- and he ditches me on the first day. Went off to find some brains to eat I guess… I didn’t even get to test my electro-shock kit on him.

But something wasn’t sitting quite right with Karina about this thought. First, she didn’t think Dievs was the type to just leave like that. At least, she hadn’t pegged him as one for that sort of thing. And secondly, where would he go? She’d found him trapped in a freakin’ metal coffin. He didn’t even remember his own age for Christ’s sake. And it had happened so fast. She’d only run inside for a minute tops to talk to her mom, and when she’d gone back outside, he was gone. Even if he was a fast runner (and he didn’t look like one), it would have been difficult to get away without a trace that fast. The curiousness of it opened up another possibility…

As Karina pondered the disappearance of Dievs, the doorbell rang. All heads turned towards the front door except Jojo, who continued molding his artwork and also sneaking pieces of steak to the cat hiding under his chair.

“I’ll get it.” Karina’s mother said, getting up.

“No mom, eat. I’ll go.” Said Karina, scurrying out of her chair and around the table before her mom could protest. She was still thinking about Dievs when she opened the front door to find an out of breath Smiley Davis waiting for her. As soon as the outer glass door was open, Smiley grabbed Karina by the shoulders and whisper-screamed into her face,

“Dievs? Where’s Dievs?”

Karina didn’t really know what to do except answer the same way Smiley had asked the question. It came out sounding kind of whiny instead of urgent, how she’d intended.

“I don’t know.”

At this, Smiley looked around, and even peeked inside the house, as if they were being watched. Karina thought it was a funny kind of thing to do. A little paranoid maybe. But then she remembered the lunch they’d shared earlier in the day at Denny’s, and thought maybe they weren’t kidding about all that. Maybe it’s bad. That bad.

Returning her gaze to Karina, Smiley asked, with definite anger in her voice this time, “Did you know?”

From behind Karina, her mom’s voice came ringing out, “Who is it K?”

“Know what?” Again, Karina’s voice came out a bit whiner than she’d intended. Smiley’s eyes narrowed. Besides her mom, Ms. Davis probably knew her better than just about any other adult.

“Ohhh, you better not be lying to me right now, girl.”

“No, I- wouldn’t, uh-”

Suddenly Karina’s mother stepped out from the dining room to look at the front door. She smiled at the sight of Smiley, even though she was gripping her daughter with both hands by the shoulders.

“Oh! Ms. Davis, what a surprise! I didn’t know you were dropping by- we have room at the table if you want to join us. Bit of a late dinner.”

Smiley tried her best to relax and smile at the sight of Karina’s mother, but she couldn’t quite erase the anxiety that was all over her face.

“Oh- hi Mrs. Blake! No, no, no- thank you for the invitation but, uh, I’m just here to talk to Karina about some work… matters.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s going on?”

“Well- ahem, just some…” Smiley shot a quick glance down at Karina. “-Paperwork stuff. Nothing too important, just, ya know- getting ready for tax season. Karina’s just been such a great help. I really don’t know how I’d keep track of everything without her.”

Karina’s mother seemed to take all this at face value, even though to Karina, Smiley was clearly speaking under distress.

“Ah, well- we appreciate you saying so Ms. Davis. And Karina does too, right?” Karina’s mother elbowed her in the back. It spurred Karina out of her little stupor.

“-uh, yes. Appreciated. I- yes, I appreciate you saying so. Miss Davis. Even though earlier today you said I was fire-” But before she could finish, Smiley stomped on her right foot, keeping her smile trained on Mrs. Blake. “Hey-” Karina’s mother didn’t seem to notice.

“Well, just let me know if you change your mind about dinner. We always have a spot open for friends. And don’t keep Karina too long, she hasn’t finished her veggies.”

“Thank you Mrs. Blake, I won’t.” Smiley flashed her kindliest smile and waited for Karina’s mom to walk back out of sight. Karina was the one to whisper-scream first this time.

“Why are you acting so freakin’ weird, dude?”

Smiley was calm this time in her response.“Diev’s real name is Derrick V. Swiss.”

“How do you know that?” Asked Karina, surprised.

“Cause I read the label on the fucking box he came out of, dude. I also wrote it. You think I wouldn’t notice? One of the three dead people I keep in my closet goes missing and I’d just go, ‘oh, too bad. Wonder where he went.’ What did you think was gonna happen?”

“Ohh…” Karina nodded at this and grimaced like oh yeah, guess that makes sense. The first time I’ve experienced a crack in the fortress that is my super-genius detective intellect. Shit. “Why didn’t I check the label on the box?” Karina asked, more to herself than to Smiley.

“I don’t know, genius. But what I do know is, that mother- that guy, was dead. I saw him dead. Hank brought him in from God knows where-” Smiley shifted as though her tailbone had tingled a little bit. “-about a week ago. We’d been prepping him for burial, but I guess he didn’t feel like waiting around for that, did he. Tell me you didn’t know all this.”

“Well… I-”

“You did!” Smiley yelled this, and Karina could almost hear her mother turning her head in the other room.

“Hey- shush-” Said Karina.

“You knew and you didn’t say anything? Is that why you were so weird at Denny’s? It is, isn’t it. I knew I recognized him!”

“Okay, listen- meeting a real-life zombie, slash undead person, isn’t an everyday thing. I was going to tell you all… just slowly, so that you wouldn’t freak out-”

“I’m freaking out, Karina.”

“-Like this. Yeah, I can see. But listen, he’s not dangerous. He doesn’t remember anything. If he was Derrick V. Swiss, he’s not anymore.”

“I just- I’m still having a hard time digesting what you’re telling me. You found a man, a stranger, in one of my cadaver storage cabinets, assumed he was a… zombie… And proceeded to take him to Piggly-Wiggly for, what was it? Peanuts?” Asked Smiley.

“You make it sound so blasphemous.”

“That’s insane, Karina. And also, he ain’t no freakin’ zombie. I don’t know how he did it, but he must have recovered, or used some kind of drug to fake like he was dead or something. He’s just a normal guy. That I can tell you for sure- and even if he doesn’t remember anything, he’s still dangerous. We need to ask Hank where he came from- but looking at his file, and knowing what we know about Brackin- that guy- he was probably one of his goons. A criminal.”

“Well now you’re making me feel like the kid in the Iron Giant. like, ’nooo, don’t shoot, he’s actually a good robot! He doesn’t remember that he’s a murderous death machine!’ What was his name? Something weird, like Hogarth-” Said Karina.

“I can’t even- what kind of teenager are you?” Karina opened her mouth to speak- “Don’t answer that.” Smiley cut her off. “Now you listen to me…” Smiley lost the anger in her voice and knelt down so that she was closer to being on Karina’s eye level. “You’re still fired. This is all craziness, and I don’t want you mixed up in any of it. That guy-”

“He who shall not be named.” Said Karina spookily.

“Yeah, him. He’s no joke, and I don’t think he’s above hurting children. So you gotta stay away. I shouldn’t have even come here. And if you see Dievs, or Derrick, I guess, you call me or the police. Don’t talk to him, okay?”

Karina looked as if she might protest, but in the end, she thought it was pointless. She didn’t know where Dievs was anyway.

“Okay, Ms. Davis.”

“Good. Also- Get a job at a mini-golf course or something. Or the theater. It’s weird for a teenage girl to work at a Funeral Home… You were a good secretary though.”

“Thanks. I guess.”

“So- you don’t have any idea where Dievs might have gone?”

“No… He was suppose to stay for dinner, but he kind of disappeared. It was actually pretty strange…”

From behind Karina came another volley of shouts as Jojo had apparently hurled another pea-laced potato ball across the room. Karina turned for a moment, and when she turned back around, Smiley was already hustling over to her car, yellow flats sliding on the pavement.

Weird day. Not just for me, apparently. She stood in the doorway as Smiley sped off in her beige Pinto. Doesn’t she know those cars explode?

… I don’t want to work at a theater.